Historical and Modern Day News and Trivia

Idiot Of The Week- Arab Wars- A New Dope

2011-03-21T06:00:00.002-05:00

A long time ago in a country far, far away. . .

Arab Wars- A New Dope

It is a period of civil war. Rebels across the ~~galaxy~~ Middle East have won two victories against their oppressive governments.

During the third rebellion a new dope emerged, Darth Muammar Gaddafi, Lord of the Sith. Since he was the evil dictator of the Libyan Empire, he began a campaign to crush his nation's rebellion. The Dark Lord Sith devised devastating attacks against the Rebel Alliance. Just when the rebels were about to give up hope, the United Nations sent military forces to oppose him.

Instead of being a rational sort of Sith, he chose to stay in his ~~Death Star~~ country where he vowed a "long war".

He must have overlooked what happened to Emperor Hussein.

Just remember. No matter what happens, he's a piece of Sith. No punishment is too good for him.

An Easy, Humane Way To Rid Your Yard Of Pests

2011-03-19T15:50:00.000-05:00

Are you afraid to venture outside? Are the Liberal politicians who are trying to win your vote and drain your brain forcing you to lock yourself inside your home? Then you need the Go Away Liberal Repellent.

The Go Away Liberal Repellent emits a sound that most Liberals hate-The National Anthem. After hearing just the first stanza the average Lib will be forced to flee back to their headquarters.

To add to the effectiveness, the Go Away Repeller runs off of gasoline- their arch nemesis.

Go Away Repeller works on socialists, communists, Green Energy nuts, and MoveOn.org wingbats.

If you buy within the next 15 minutes we'll give you the bonus WWGWD (What Would George Washington Do?) bracelet. A $20 value!

This stylish bracelet will repel Libs anywhere you go. Wear it as you eat your dinner at that restaurant that was taken over by the Liberal elite! Order that delicious veal cutlet without being bothered by an animal-rights activist. And the WWGWD bracelet is a must for any tea party event. Order yours today!

The Top 5 Reasons Ted Danson Should Be In A Mental Institution

2011-03-16T16:15:00.000-05:00

#5 He makes campaign contributions to such people as Al Gore, John Edwards, Al Franken, and Barbara Boxer.

#4 He thought the media would embrace his black-face routine back in 1993.

#3 Mr. Danson claims in his new book that jellyfish will soon be the only seafood we humans will have left to eat due to overfishing. He also claims that he is not a fear mongerer. Yeah. Sure Ted. You just happened to pick one of only two animals of the sea that produce fear at the beach- the shark and the jellyfish. But, people just love their shark fin soup, so that was out, wasn't it, Ted? Jellyfish just doesn't sound as appetizing.

But, Ted, people could survive off of jellyfish if we had to. In fact, I just read that they are considered a health food. Peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich, anyone?

#2 He claimed back in late 80's that the world's oceans would be devoid of life within 10 years. Oy vey! Now he's claiming the Great Barrier Reef will be dead by 2050, and the islands of the world will be underwater by 2080. Won't the eco-zombies ever learn to keep their traps shut?

#1 Ted had a (presumably) sexual relationship with Whoopi Goldberg. This guy's insane!

Idiot Of The Week

2011-03-14T20:51:00.000-05:00

Remember when the United States was the leader of the Free World? Remember when our government sent brave men and women into the "New Frontier" of Outer Space? Well, now we are reduced to spending $753 million dollars for Russian Bus fare to Outer Space.

And why are we reduced to this? Because of Hopey, Changey Obama. Yes, you have changed this country, Mr. President. You've changed NASA's astronauts into a gang of hitchhikers. A NASA official went so far as to say, "it's critical for U.S. companies to take over this transportation job." Isn't this a turn-around! A Private-sector take-over. It must have been hard for a Federal employee to say that!

I was not alive during any of the Moon landings. I have hoped our government would get off it's lazy butt and do something incredible again. I'm not a big fan of JFK, but he at least pushed for space exploration! All Barack does is promise that great things will come. You de-funded the space shuttles, so where are the cool rockets that will blast off into space? Oh, the Russians have them.

So, thanks to all of you folks who voted for this clown. And here's your award. Idiot.

NFL Replacement Players Get Ready For The 2011 Season

2011-03-12T15:35:00.000-06:00

First the Wisconsin's teachers union went on strike, now the National Football League's players are striking. Unable to find a fair way to split 9 BILLION dollars in annual revenue, the football players and the NFL's League owners stopped negotiating entirely today. When the strike will end is anyone's guess.

But don't worry my pigskin obsessed readers. The NFL can hire replacements to play that will be just as entertaining and awe-inspiring as the players on your favorite team.

Phew Breeze- Great Defensive End.

Rhett Tard- He will expose his vulnerable side when threatened.

Micheal Ticks- This guy's known for his football skills. Off the field he is also known for his love for animals. They do not share that feeling, however.

Tom Brandy- Wide Receiver. He's found the perfect balance between his career and the nightlife.

Ben Hamburglar- AKA "The Quarter-Pounder". He's a spokesman and best customer for a major fast food franchise.

Yummmm. . . .

The New Alternative Fuel Vehicle

2011-03-09T13:38:00.000-06:00

Can't afford the rising cost of gas at the pump? Wish there was an affordable and easier way way to fill up your tank? We at General Motors feel your pain. That's why we are now unveiling our newest car prototype.

The Obamabile.

The Obamabile runs entirely on President Barack Obama's "misspeaks" or "word-farts". His powerful verbal gas provides enough fuel for our car to drive 300 miles on just one non-teleprompter speech.

But, what is the environmental impact of the Obamabile with its revolutionary fuel system? Unfortunately, there is a downside to the vehicle. Obama's misspeaks cause traumatic ear aches and does not help with the White House's smug problem.

Idiot Of The Week

2011-03-07T13:21:00.007-06:00

In this week's Idiot Of The Week you'll get 2 for the price of one. This week's theme is "Social Miscreants: Help Us Help You Get Out Of The Country". Or "The Walk Of Lame".

Actor Sean Penn's foundation for Haitian Earthquake relief has had many contributors, but he thought that Venezuelan President (aka dictator) Hugo Chavez was the most deserving of gratitude. Hugo Chavez has a prestine record for a dictator- human rights violations, controlling the media, intimidating political opponents. So Mr. Penn traveled to El D-bag's Presidential Palace just so he could give the guy a great big handshake. Chavez seemed pleased and spoke of how happy he was of Penn's stance on the "critical issues". Is it just me or is having a dictator pat you on the back for your life's work an indicator that your view's may be a tad off balanced?

This is the same Sean Penn who said in an interview on CBS that he hopes all those people who criticize him "die screaming of rectal cancer". I think I sense a bit of hostility.

The next Idiot is pretty obvious unless you've been living in a cave or commune somewhere. It's Charlie Sheen. Can I say anything on here about him that you have not already seen a thousand times? Probably not. But he is equally deserving of this award.

The best part of this first edition of Idiot Of The Week is that both of these idiots want to spend more time together. Sean Penn and Charlie Sheen may soon be working together to bring relief- to the United States.

Because they're going to Haiti!

There they will be teaching the Haitian people valuable things such as: how to tell if your prostitute is going to steal from you, how to find a dealer that sells pure coke, how to make it through the day without sleep, and most importantly how to keep the media spotlight on yourself by spewing insane and random thoughts.

So here's to you guys.

You really deserve it.

Al Gore's Advice About The New CFL Light Bulb

2011-03-04T05:30:00.000-06:00

Hello, everyone. Your friendly CEO of the Environmental movement is back- and I'm P.O.'d.

Big time.

Representative Michele Bachmann is reintroducing a "Light Bulb Freedom Of Choice Act" that would repeal the phase out of incandescent light bulbs. My fellow Eco-conscious citizens, do not fall for this dangerous woman's evil scheme! She is in league with General Electric to keep these satanic by-products on store shelves!

My fellow Eco-zombies, if you would just look at the evidence you can clearly see which is better.

Incandescent light bulbs produce an astounding 45 million tons of carbon in the United States per year. And you thought Edison was a role model, you philistine. That represents about 0.006%of the carbon in our atmosphere.

Our new and environmentally friendly CFL bulbs use 60 % less energy than those regular bulbs. And they last longer. So why don't you make the switch? Save Mother Earth!

Oh, my attorney has advised me to describe what to do if your new Compact Florescent bulb were to break. Because there's a little bit of mercury. Enough to contaminate 6000 gallons of water. It's no big deal.

Just follow these directions.

Leave the room for at least 15 minutes. Read my book "Our Choice: A Plan To Solve The Climate Crisis" while you are waiting for the mercury fumes to subside.

Get a glass container, place the broken pieces of the bulb inside, and securely seal it with a metal top.

Don't put it in the trash. You must recycle it. Either walk or bike to your nearest facility that handles CFL recycling. Since not too many centers are handling CFLs at the moment, you'll get lots of exercise trying to locate one yourself.

You probably should think about getting rid of your rug or carpet where the bulb broke. You can afford it.

Don't vacuum it up! It could spread the mercury around your home even more.

Don't use CFL bulbs if you are pregnant, may become pregnant, were born to a pregnant person, or have small children.

See, it's easy. CFL bulbs are terrific as long as you don't have small children. Or mind having chest pains, cough, hemoptysis, and weakened pulmonary function when you accidentally break the bulb. But who cares about you? It's the environment we should worry about.

Remember, a whole 0.006% of carbon could be saved from going into our atmosphere if we switch! There's only a 99% chance that you will drop your new CFL light bulb, causing you untold pain and sickness from mercury poisoning if you do not properly clean up after the breakage.

Don't let those Wall Street Fat Cats give you the freedom to choose between a cheaper, safer light bulb and my precious CFLs!

Thank you for your time. And please pass the gravy while you're at it.

Now This Is A Campaign I Can Get Behind, Mr. President

2011-02-24T16:14:00.007-06:00

Tired of Michelle Obama's campaign telling you how to eat? Then how about this...

Eliminate Your Pain With Conservator

2011-02-22T11:02:00.011-06:00

I still have wonderful memories of my life back on the Commune. Singing "White Rabbit" around the fire, burning my bra during weekend protest events, planting hemp seedlings from dusk till dawn. What a life I led!

But later in life gardening was impossible for me. The pain was just too much to bear. And then my doctor said that I had Piriformis Syndrome and that there was hope for me. He recommended Conservator.

Conservator is a non-prescribed drug that goes directly into your brain- where the problem originates. All of your urges to watch MSNBC, protesting for GreenPeace, and defending Barack Obama's policies will disappear. And, as your backbone develops, you will experience an increase in such qualities as: thought, rationalization skills, and independence.

That's what happened to me. My life is finally where it should be. Don't wait another second to see if Conservator is right for you.

So what the hell caused me to have that pain in the first place?

When you've finally had enough of the pain in your ass, become a Conservative fast.

Liberalized Classic Movies

2010-09-18T19:37:00.007-05:00

Our beloved classic family movies are being "remodeled" to fit the Liberal demographic. Here are just a few of the movies you'll be seeing in a theatre near you.

Snow White

Classic Version: Snow White is a princess who has an evil, but beautiful, queen for a stepmother. The queen is a witch, too. The Queen tries to assassinate Snow White, but she escapes! Snow White stays with seven dwarf bachelors. The queen dresses up as an ugly old woman, poisons Snow White, but instead the queen dies a horrible death. A prince kisses Snow White and brings her back to life.

Revised Liberal Version: Snow White is a governor who is admired by many of the land. The Queen of the House was an evil, but incredibly beautifu... umm, well, incredibly bossy Speaker. She's a witch, too. The Queen, who dresses up and STILL is an ugly old woman, tries to kill Snow White politically, but Snow White escapes to the land of the freedom-loving "little people" (If that Swedish guy at BP can say small people, I can,too). The Queen never finds Snow White because she has never seen nor cares for the "little people". Besides, she reasons, they don't know what's good for 'em anyway. Snow White, however, helps to bring the little people's spirit back to life.

It’s a little known fact that this Witchy Queen must consume a fair maiden’s heart every two years. Otherwise her constituents will see her as the evil, disgusting leader that she really is.

OLD YELLER

Classic Version: In this timeless tale of a boy and his dog we enjoyed watching their friendship develop. Travis and Old Yeller watch and hunt the wild animals around their cabin. Old Yeller saves just about everyone on the cast, but when he gets bitten by a rabies-infected wolf, you know he's in trouble. Is there anyone out there that did not shed a tear when Travis had to "put down" his best friend?

Revised Liberal Version: Travis is declared an unfit owner because of his tendency to let Old Yeller roam free without a leash and collar (and also for Old Yeller's tendency to impregnate the female dogs of the area). Travis is fined to the maximum limit and is vilified. Old Yeller is put into a shelter where he is adopted by a family that keeps him in their 5 room apartment almost 24 hours a day. The only animals he can hunt now are the dust bunnies under the living-room sofa.

This may also have been titled “Marley And Me”.

Bambi

Classic Version: Bambi is a cute deer who grows up in a beautiful forest full of friendly animals. After his Mother is shot by a hunter, he is forced to grow up fast. As an adult Bambi finds a mate and twin fawns are born to them. Awwwwww.

Revised Liberal Version: After the hunter shoots Bambi's Mother, the man is fined and jailed for hunting out of season. The story of the motherless fawn becomes national news. Eventually hunting is declared immoral and illegal. All the animals celebrate- until the forest is cleared for the development of condominiums, studio apartments, pseudo-intellectual coffee shops, and the Democratic headquarters for the area.

If you squint just right you can see Al Gore’s penthouse apartment.

Pinocchio

Classic Version: An old man creates a wooden boy puppet that soon comes to life. But when Pinocchio tells lies his nose grows! Eventually Pinocchio learns from his mistakes, does a self-less act, and becomes a real boy.

Revised Liberal Version: A puppet becomes president, but when he tells lies, his cover-ups and excuses grow! Eventually the puppet never learns from his mistakes, does selfish acts for his party, and becomes a real despot.

I don’t know. . . Maybe he looks better in lederhosen.

I'm Baaaaack. . . .

2010-08-30T19:48:00.003-05:00

If you were a reader of this blog back in 2009 you may have wondered why I stopped posting. Well, the answer is simple. I was abducted by a pack of Liberal drones and placed in a solar energy work camp. I was the one responsible for keeping the panels dust free in sector 12.

But, seriously, the real reason I could not post is complicated and personal. However, part of the problem back in 2009 happened just a couple of days after my “Jimmy Carter Has A New Mission In Life…” post. If you read it you’ll see that I jokingly referred to the Swine Flu. Well, two days later I was sick! Was it karma taking its revenge? Did karma even like Jimmy Carter? I began to get all the symptoms of the flu except for fever. I stayed in bed for days and days. After a week of no change my husband said he didn’t think it was the flu, cold, or allergies. “Maybe you’re pregnant,” he said. I remember laughing hysterically at that. There was no way that was possible! Ten minutes later we were looking at a positive pregnancy test. . . .

Well, we had a boy at the beginning of 2010.

Other circumstances were involved too, but now I hope to get slowly back into the swing of things. Writing and reading have always been a great enjoyment for myself and I’m looking forward to it again. Will I be able to write every other day like I used to? No, not until next year at the earliest. Will I be able to visit all of your blogs? Not yet. Hopefully that will change soon. Will I be occasionally posting (like every two or three weeks)? I hope so. Will I be cheering when Harry Reed is defeated this November? Hail yeah. Will I be waking up at three a.m. to comfort a crying baby? Most likely. Are you still reading this? Impressive.

I should be putting up a “real” post in a week or so (fingers crossed). And, yes, it will be just like my past stories- strange with a chance of hidden messages.

I hope all of you readers and bloggers out there are doing fine. And thank you if you came by and read this.

Oh, yeah, I have a breaking news story.

It’s nice to be coming back.

Jimmy Carter Has A New Mission In Life...

2009-05-01T18:09:00.010-05:00

Former nut... excuse me, Peanut farmer, Jimmy Carter, wrote a nice editorial right after Hurricane Katrina struck the US. In the article he blamed Global Warming for causing Katrina and other storms of similar intensity. Let's read what the idiot had to say, shall we?

The first warnings came in 1979 while I was president, when top American scientists expressed concern about global warming. Now we know their warnings are coming true, with a notable increase in the frequency and severity of hurricanes, the melting of mountain glaciers and ice in the polar regions and a rise in the level of the seas.

Did you know that the number of hurricanes in the past couple of years, and their severity, were lower than expected? Even the number or tornadoes, where I live, has been noticeably lower.

But you know how Jimmy is, always wanting to prove that he's right and that he wasn't the absolute worst president in history. That's right. The founder of Habitat For Humanity has a new organization that he will unveil soon. An organization which will help battle the effects of Global Warming AND the carelessness of humans. I think Jimmy should explain, so here's former President Jimmy Carter...

Thanks, Elm, even though you are a heartless, cretinous Conservative. But that's neither here nor there. You are of no consequence. I'm just using your blog to spread Liberal teachings to you non-believers.

As everyone knows I'm the creator of the hugely successful Habitat For Humanity foundation. My charitable organization builds countless homes for underprivileged families around the world. And even though I have saved the lives of all of these people, I still feel a deep ache in my heart for the ones that are still homeless...

Do you mean that you want to provide housing to even more Americans with low-incomes?

No, no, of coarse not. I'm speaking of the mass of yellow-toned workers who slave away for us day after day with absolutely nothing in return. Despicable!

Umm, are you talking about the Chinese?

NO! I'm speaking of another race. A race who's homes we destroy for our greedy and wicked reasons. These hard workers deserve a better life than to just serve us. So without further ado, here is the unveiling of...

Habitat For Bee Colonies is a non-profit that will build these dedicated insects new, better homes. Homes that will protect them against pillaging bands of bee's wax and honey thieves.

You're telling me that we humans should no longer use honey?

And candles!

But, Mr. President, how will we light our homes when this Administration takes away our right to use electricity?

Oh! You people always think of yourselves, but never the little guy! And you'll receive plenty of light from The Holy One's magnificent face.

But are old tires the best home for bees? It seems unhealthy...

Those tires were sitting in a dump taking up valuable space! We at Habitat for Bee Colonies believe in recycling.

Mr. President, I think this is a terrible idea. Bees can build their own homes.

Really?

Yes, scout's honor.

Oh... Well, then, how about this?

Habitat for Polar Bears is a charity that will house the poor polar bear population of the Arctic. These Teddy bears deserve a chance at living a long life. These are animals that we humans have been killing with CO2 emissions! Horrible! There are hardly any left now... But I, Jimmy Carter, have built for these noble beasts houses to fight against the Inuit. Take a good, long look at the last of the Polar Bear.

In 2004, the estimated population of Polar Bears in one section of Canada was 1400, then just 3 years later, the population was at 2100. The population was almost doubled in only 3 years! And there's similar stories of growing Polar Bear populations, Jimmy. But certain environmental groups are still clinging to the notion that we're killing them.

So, they're doing better now?

Much better. Fine and dandy.

Okay. How about this? You can't possibly say anything against these little guys needing help...

Sigh... Jimmy, where did you build that?

Cancun. Why?

Habitat for Hogs does sound interesting... But,umm, it's not a good idea to be hanging around pigs from Mexico right now, Mr. Carter. Perhaps you should go get a flu shot.

A Tour Of Anywhere USA

2009-04-30T13:32:00.008-05:00

Sigh... Read this AP news article. When Barack-li isn't terrorizing New Yorkers, hugging dictators, and negotiating with pirates, he's busy showing us that his economic policies aren't worth the paper they were written upon.

WASHINGTON (AP) - A top Obama adviser is predicting another economic contraction in the second quarter of the year and continued increases in unemployment for the next several months.

The downbeat assessment from Christina Romer, the chairwoman of Obama's Council of Economic Advisers, comes in the wake of Wednesday's report that the overall economic output in the United States declined rapidly in the first three months of this year.

Hmmm... Now what happened in the first month of this year? You got it! Barack-li was crowned! I mean inaugurated. You could have knocked me over with a feather when I realized that his baby, the American Recovery Act, hasn't heaped wealth and glory upon us all.

In this post I am giving you the tour of my town so you may see the "Economic Recovery". That's right, you will enter into the world of Elm... And you'll understand why I try so hard at mocking idiots in office.

This is a sign that you see right when you enter into town. "Putting America To Work". Yeah! Sounds so patriotic. But, they've been repaving and fixing this road for at least a year prior to the Act. But I'll give 'em the benefit of doubt and say that the money was needed for the continuation of the road work.

This building being constructed is approximately 3 or 4 minutes away from the above sign. Notice that there are only two workers present, and it was only 10:30 AM. Looks like this construction company needs to hire more workers, doesn't it?

Oh, I guess not.

This is an artist's rendering of what a new grocery store would look like once it was opened this month (April 2009). And, yes, it does look like that now, except the name of the store is not up yet and there is absolutely nothing in the store. Actually, I noticed that construction there stopped 6 months back. Why? Because the business decided to wait until the economy looks healthier. So when are they opening? At least another year. Sigh... I was looking forward to having a grocery store closer to where I live. I can easily name 10 businesses that have either closed or decided not open up here in just the past year.

And this factory, ladies and gentlemen, is the largest manufacturer of transformers in the world (no not the robots, the things on top of electric poles). Employing a workforce of thousands, Howard Industries is the largest employer in the whole town. Sounds like a nice place to work, right?

In August 2008, ICE raided the factory because it was a suspected employer of illegal aliens. You want to know how many illegals were found at work that day? 600. That is no typo. The raid wound up being the largest illegal round up in the history of ICE. Now, I'm not against my town being in National news, but this is ridiculous.

Before I go on I think I need to clarify a little bit. H.I. has three shifts, so it is up and running all day and night. The raid was conducted during the first shift. Word of the raid leaked out, and therefore the illegals working the second and third shifts were no-shows that day. The exact number of illegals working at that time at this one business is unknown, but I venture to guess that it was at least 1000, but it's probably more like 1700.

People (insert pro-immigration people) said that these men and women were filling jobs that the average American do not want. And here is where I smile, because when H.I. was allowed to reopen, a crowd of hundreds of LEGAL AMERICAN CITIZENS were waiting to apply.

Two other large businesses in town are chicken processing plants, and can you guess who they hire? I have heard tales of people (Legal citizens) who try to apply for jobs at these companies and are never accepted- and it's not for their lack of skills. Now, someone out there will say that I'm being paranoid or racist, but explain this to me. If these companies were not biased against Legal American citizens and did not want to hire illegals, then why do they house the illegal aliens? Yes! I'm not joking. One of the companies has at least two very large plots of land that are for housing their workers. Upon the land are mobile homes for them to live.

No one that I know has an employer who houses them. So, explain that to me please.

My point of this post is that America has jobs that are being filled by people that are here illegally. If these positions were opened up the unemployment numbers could disappear.

I'm not against Hispanics, or Mexicans, or Asians, or anyone personally. But, if you're here working without a green card, you need to step back and find a job back home. And I don't care if you are from Mexico, Cuba, or Ireland. Skin color and language make no difference to me.

There's my economic recovery package. Give Americans jobs.

And, even though this was my town, this is probably what your town is starting to look like. Welcome to Anywhere USA. A land teaming with the unemployed.

I'll mock someone in a day or two in retaliation.

GM's New Line Of Cars Are A Little Strange...

2009-04-29T12:37:00.013-05:00

With the recent General Motor's stock grab by the United States government and the United Auto Worker's Union, there will be a few minor changes to the company.

#1- Auto workers will now be asked to work when they feel like it. Five day work week? Who needs it? Come on in when the time is right for you.

#2- The new CEO is Our Lord and Savior, Barack Obama.

#3- In order to buy a car you first must pass a loyalty test.

#4- The government, with the cooperation of GM, is placing a "car pool" computer chip in the seats of all new cars and trucks. Cars will not start if there is only one person detected in the vehicle. Car pooling saves energy and protects us against Global Warming.

#5- The production of gasoline powered automobiles will cease, as of now. New, cleaner cars have been produced, and you will see them very soon at your local car dealership. Here are a few.

This is a one-horse powered model.

There are a few kinks to work out though...

This beauty runs off of cow gas.

The process of photosynthesis produces enough energy to power our flower-mobile. The only downside is that a colony of bees have made their hive on the driver's seat.

Ever wanted a chauffeur?

The rich gases of decaying animals is a green way to power your vehicle. Don't worry, the animal died naturally and signed a consent form for the the opportunity of saving the planet.

All of our new models feature...

Large trunk spaces.

A custom paint job- of the government's choosing, of coarse.

A completely biodegradable body, so beware of leaving the vehicle in one place for too long.

And the interior has plenty of room for any packages that you may have.

In conclusion, there is no need to fear. GM is in good hands. Happy driving!

Al Gore's Handy "How To Save The Planet Studyguide"

2009-04-27T16:31:00.014-05:00

"We want people to have a higher standard of living," said Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. "We just hope we can work together in a way to avoid the mistakes that we made that have created a large part of the problem that we face today."

Hello, you all know me, I'm Al Gore the friendly CEO of the Eco-Movement! Like the biotch, I mean, Secretary of State, said, we need to correct our past mistakes and save our Earth from the dreadful possibility of more Spring-like days.

Who are the happiest people on Earth? The Eskimo, of coarse. They live in a Winter Paradise of blizzards, igloos, and snowball fights in July. Why should we allow the Earth to warm when we will lose this precious gift? Oh, excuse me, I meant to say Inuit instead of Eskimo. I made a Joe Biden, didn't I?

I have prepared a list of our mistakes. These mistakes MUST be dealt with posthaste, or we risk having Minnesotans suffer through 55 degree Fahrenheit Winters.

The incandescent light bulb- Thomas Edison's satanic byproduct. Only a man who is a mad scientific genius could perfect such an evil invention. A simpler means to light your home that will not harm Mother Gaia has been discovered.

Recommended by my Grand kids, only 10 of these little critters will light an area the size of an index card. Impressed? I'm already installing them, Mason Jars included, in my Mansions across the country.

Men like Henry Ford should have been run out of town on a rail! Cars are like giant cigars to our planet. Would you allow your baby to breathe in cigarette smoke? (That question does not apply to Britney Spears.)

Instead of nasty cars and trucks, why don't we use a cleaner method of travel? Like this...

Folks everywhere will be required to travel on these nifty contraptions. Of coarse, I cannot use this means of travel. The dignity of my position as Eco-Dictator would be harmed.

It has recently come to my attention that a new source of that foul element Carbon has been detected- in the very food that we eat! Yes! This poison has seeped into our pantries and we must fight back. Until a process can be invented that will extract the carbon molecules from our food supply, we must find a alternative solution. And, with the help of modeling agencies around the world, a plan is, at this minute, being hatched that will prevent this deadly poison from entering your body. Here is one of my advisers.

She looks like an expert.

Factories produce products that are nice to have, but they are also producers of "you know what". Is your Ipod or diabetes medication so important that you will continue to let these Carbon chimneys pollute our Mother? A eco-friendly solution has been introduced that strikes me as truly incredible.

No Carbon will be produced except for the air they expel! And you can buy as many Hemp T-shirts as you want guilt-free.

How many trees have you destroyed because of your bowel movements? One? Ten? Fifty? Too many to count? And with the advent of such places like Taco Bell the need for toilet paper reduction is critical. Why not use Mother Nature's natural TP?

Or if that is unavailable to you try using what Congress recommends...

Study these survivor tips. Send them to your friends, family, and enemies! We must go green at all costs! For the love of Humanity, do as I say or we will all die! We must overcome the naysayers who doubt my claim of Global Warming! We... yes, Tipper? I don't need my medication now, do I? No, I'm not acting irrational again! Why did you let those guys in? Why do they have a straight jacket? Is that a tranquilizer gun pointed at me, Tipper?

Ouch, not again!

The Real Life Twilight Zone

2009-04-23T11:34:00.004-05:00

You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a Liberal la-la land whose boundaries are that of imagination and fear. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Twilight Zone!

Picture a land. A land once teaming with brave and determined citizens. A land where freedom was soon taken for granted. But these citizens will in a moment find themselves in an unknown and strange world. A world that is ruled not by sensibility, but by fear and propaganda...

A well dressed man, Mr. Miller, reading a newspaper in his living room- "Look, Honey, our new President Barack Obama is in the news again."

A mild-mannered woman, Mrs. Miller, knitting in a rocking chair- "Oh, what's the story about?"

Mr. Miller- "Well, the AP conducted a survey to see what Americans think about how the country is doing now that he's in office."

Mrs. Miller barely interested- "OK, what did they say?"

Mr. Miller slightly excited- "It says here that 'more Americans than not say the country is headed in the right direction, a sign that Barack Obama has used the first 100 days of his presidency to lift the public's mood and inspire hopes for a brighter future.'"

Mrs. Miller looks dazed- "..."

Mr. Miller looking concerned about his wife- "Honey? What's wrong? You don't look so well."

Mrs. Miller jumps up and screams- "What's wrong? What's wrong! How can you stand there and ask such a question!"

Mr. Miller still calm but confused- "Is it about that poll? Is that why you're upset?"

Mrs. Miller- "Upset! Yes, you idiot! This country is turning into the USSR and there are people out there that approve of what he's doing? I'm scared, Darling! Oh, I'm frightened!"

Mr. Miller's face now has a hypnotized aura and he speaks very calmly- "I don't know about that. He seems to be trying to clean up Washington's messes. There's only a scandal once a day. And a lot of the countries that hated us before are starting to like us since he's come into office. Castro and those other leaders are probably giving Our Dear Leader some terrific advice now..."

Mrs. Miller now is wide-eyed but speaks evenly- "So, they've gotten to you, too."

Mr. Miller suddenly animated with life- "Why, yes! Come and watch my new favorite television show, Honey! You'll calm down if you watch it." The TV show consists of alternating pictures of Obama with a voice-over saying, 'You love your Leader. You agree with everything the leader does. You like this change. You never complain about the leader.' The NBC logo can be seen at the corner of the screen.

Mr. Miller continues happily- "You know, Honey. I think you're going to enjoy this show as much as I do!"

Mrs. Miller with her eyes staring unblinking into the TV screen- "I love my leader. I agree with everything the leader does. I like this change."

Mr. and Mrs. Miller, formerly freedom loving American citizens, now just walking propaganda signs for a new leader, the leader of the Twilight Zone.

Remembering The Holocaust Before It Happens Again

2009-04-21T10:18:00.007-05:00

This post is in honor of Holocaust Remembrance Day. In honor of this day a certain country that shall remain nameless (Hint: It sounds like "I ran" and it enjoys threatening Israel with destruction), made a grand speech before a United Nations racism conference. The conference's main goal, I assume, was to think of solutions to stop racism, but it seems instead that a few countries are thinking that Jew bashing is an Olympic sport.

According to reports, President Ahmanasswipe wanted to declare in his speech that the Holocaust never happened. This is the type of guy that if he had been born in the United States would be saying that the U.S. faked the Moon landings, Lyndon B. Johnson murdered JFK, and G.W. Bush bombed the levies in New Orleans. To serve his petty goal of eradicating Israel, he is willing to deny the murders of millions of people. Somehow he was talked out of flat out saying that the Jews are lying and deserve to die. He said this instead:

President Ahmanasswipe called Israel the "most cruel and repressive racist regime" and the West of using the Holocaust as a "pretext" for aggression against Palestinians.

Wow, he really cleaned it up. Instead of saying that the Holocaust never happened, he's saying that we used it as an excuse to take away the Holy Land. Well isn't he just holier than thou? If he would take the time to crack open a history book he would see that the Israeli's tried living peacefully with the Palestinians. They were rewarded by being killed.

Also the Holy Land has been in different hands for its entire existence. The Persians (Iranians) "took" the Jews away as slaves in Biblical times. Then there were the Romans, various Islamic clans, and the British. The Jews are merely "back home" after being forcefully dragged away. If you want to go further, and I am, the Holocaust may not have ever happened if the Persians had not taken the Jews away in the first place. Most of the Jews would have still been living in the Holy Land and NOT Europe for Hitler to persecute.

Here are a few pictures from the Holocaust. The Holocaust that people still deny. If you pray, pray that this will never happen again to any race of people. And ask yourself how proof such as these pictures can be construed as being "made up by the West".

Idiot Believes That 8 Year Old Girls Should Marry Grown Men

2009-04-18T10:03:00.008-05:00

Here's another story that will cause you to:
A) Vomit
B) scream at your computer.
C) thank God that you live in the United States.

SAN'A, Yemen (AP) - She was 2 years old when her father promised her in marriage to a man in his 30s. It was a swap, so the father could marry the man's sister without paying the obligatory bride-price.

At age 9, the girl was put on a sack of rice to appear taller next to the bridegroom in the wedding picture. At 11, she was taken to her husband's house to live. Despite promising not to consummate the marriage before she reached puberty, he tied her to a bed, stuffed a rag in her mouth and raped her, she says.

"One day he tied me up and attacked me," the girl, who is now 13 and has fled her husband, told The Associated Press on Wednesday, choking with tears during an interview at an orphanage that has given her shelter. Her name and her husband's aren't being used to protect her identity.

Child marriages are widespread in Yemen, the Arab world's poorest country, where tribal customs dominate society. More than a quarter of its females marry before age 15, according to a recent report by the Social Affairs Ministry.

This is the difference between the United States and some Islamic countries. They call it child marriage, we call it rape.

Yemen is considering banning marriages to anyone under 17 years old, which is a good thing. But there are some law-makers there who seem to have a different point of view. (When I say they "have a different point of view" I really mean that they are jackasses. Read on and decide.

Yemen legislator Sheik Mohammed al-Hazmi, one of the most ardent opponents of a minimum marriage age, says the new law is a "Western plot aimed at Westernizing our culture."

"The West wants to teach us how to marry, conceive and divorce. This is cultural colonization that we reject," he told AP.

Well, douche bag, it's starting to look as if we DO have to teach your ignorant butt a few things. Civilized countries do not allow pre-pubescent kids to marry. Besides, I don't want to hear a word of complaint from the likes of you. People like you are the type that kill women for wanting to have a life. You are the little Hitler type jackass who enjoys watching people have their fingers chopped off because they haven't prayed to Allah in a few hours.

And then when I thought these nutballs could not scare me anymore, this same guy gave me an insight into their psyche.

Al-Hazmi said Islam permits the practice because nothing in the Quran and the sayings of the Prophet Muhammad bans it. "Everything that is not forbidden is permitted," he said.

That about explains everything doesn't it? I guess the Quran never said a word about not crashing airplanes into skyscrapers and buildings, so that must mean that it's OK by Allah.

Here's the rest of the story about the young girl who was raped.

She first came to the orphanage when her father died, when she was 11. She had not yet moved in with her husband, because the agreement had been that she would do so at puberty.

But she said her brother showed up at the orphanage and persuaded her to go with him, telling her they would seek a court annulment of the marriage. Instead, he took her to her husband's house in the southern town of Thammar for a bribe of about $200, the girl said. About nine months later, the husband forced her into sex, she said.

She got a chance to break away when she developed stomach and vocal cord problems last year and her husband sent her to San'a for treatment. She escaped from the house where she was staying and fled to the orphanage 10 months ago.

Today, at 13, she is learning to read and write and beginning to think about the future.

"I want to become a businesswoman," she said, two tiny dimples lighting up her thin face.

Thirteen years old and she is just now learning how to read. Makes me sick. I hope this child grows up to fight the ignorant fools in her country. But from reading other stories concerning women from Islamic countries, I fear for her very life.

Beware Of Wolves In Sheep's Clothing

2009-04-16T09:26:00.004-05:00

You know, I just love the AP news group. I am impressed how they can sneak weak-minded, liberal concepts into a supposedly unbiased story. And they do it so well!

AP NEWS- The U.S. and Iran broke off diplomatic ties after the 1979 Islamic Revolution and the takeover of the U.S. Embassy in Tehran by hard-line students. Relations became rockier under the Bush administration, which branded Iran part of an "Axis of Evil" along with Saddam Hussein's Iraq and North Korea.

Did you get that? Relations with the nation of Iran weren't to bad during Bill Clinton's term. It wasn't until that cowboy Bush entered office that we started having this trouble out of them. (Note my flaming sarcasm.)

And Bush "branded" Iran an Axis of Evil because they have been, well, an Axis of Evil. I don't think a better explanation is necessary.

AP NEWS- But Wednesday, Ahmadinejad said, "circumstances have changed" - an apparent reference to Obama's election and Iran's own progress in its nuclear program since talks with world powers last year.

Did the reporter who wrote this story conveniently forget to mention that during Barack's first few days in office our President gave a lovey-dovey speech that "Promised a new beginning"? And what did our Iranian friend do? He practically told Barack to kiss his Arab ass.

And what exactly are these circumstances that Ahmadinejad spoke of?

"Today we are preparing a new package. Once it becomes ready, we will present that package (to you)," said Iranian President Ahmadinejad.

A package from Iran for the U.S.? I imagine "this package" must look something like this...

I hope the package is sent via Fed-Ex. If they lost that package I wouldn't mind at all.

Blog At Your Own Risk In South Korea

2009-04-13T10:31:00.004-05:00

Did you ever fear that the articles you are posting on your blog could get you into trouble? A man in South Korea is facing this predicament. Here is the full story.

Basically this man, with the pen name Minerva, became semi-famous for his financial predictions. Prosecutors are claiming that one such prediction "affected the foreign exchange market and undermined the nation's credibility". Yeah, blame the little guy for the GLOBAL ECONOMIC CRISIS.

Minerva did say on his blog that "the government had banned major financial institutions and trade businesses from buying U.S. dollars", which is false. However, this is a blog we are talking about- not a newspaper or AP story. To arrest a person for false information on their blog is a scary thought. Does this mean that one day all bloggers in the U.S. will need to triple check all information before we post? Will our opinions be subject to arrest? OK, so this incident happened in South Korea, but we must consider that it COULD happen in the United States.

Oh, and the interesting part about this story is that many critics are claiming that Minerva was arrested not for false information, but for his criticism of the government. Hmmm, uhhh... If you are reading this Mr. President, please don't scroll down this page, or click any link, or read any of my comments. (Insert uncomfortable laughter)

Now, according to the new blogger law, I'm required to say or find something amusing. Also, it must be true, accurate, and not opinionated. So, here ya' go.

Henceforth you can find me at the Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary cell #768.

The White House Dog Pageant

2009-04-10T14:21:00.009-05:00

The First Family should be getting a new puppy sometime soon and the media seems to be going gaga over this tidbit of news. So, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon.

First of all, Presidential pets are very important to this country. There was FDR with his dog Fala. JFK had a nice little pony for his children. Both Bushs' had dogs. Clinton had Sox the cat- which he promptly gave up after leaving the White House, by the way.

Through a White House contact I have been directed to pictures of the puppy nominees. Here are their respective pictures with a brief description of their traits and qualities.

Shitspew- This breed is known for its lack of honesty. For reasons only known to itself, this dog often spews sh*t around.

American Hussy- Also known as the Vietnamese Hussy, this puppy likes to travel around the world and bad-mouth its owner. It barks a lot. The Hussy would be a perfect member of the current White House.

Bullcrapper- Want a pooch that was in show biz but is now a has been? Well try the bullcrapper. The bullcrapper thinks he is a comedian, but really he causes more depression than laughter. This breed is recommended only in Minnesota where, apparently, its bullcrap is acceptable.

Chow Chow Mein- Be prepared for large feedings with this dog breed. A mere bowl full of Kibble will not satisfy him. This dog also barks a lot when his mouth isn't chewing on something.

Californian Finger Pointer- This frisky breed loves to point out that she isn't responsible for anything that goes wrong. She is also known for her high cost of living. Luckily you, the owner, won't have to pay a cent since she will find things for free. Free jet rides for the whole family, for example.

Ass-pinscher- Please keep all females away from him. This dog breed does exactly what the name implies.

The Game Of Life In North Korea

2009-04-09T14:07:00.006-05:00

The Game Of Life In North Korea- A Classic Board Game As Declared By Kim Jong Il Himself. The Game Of Life In North Korea has been around since 1948.

Ever wondered what life in North Korea was like? With the invention of this board game by the illustrious Kim Jong Il now you can experience life in this repressive Communist country.

Game pieces of the original LIFE board game consisted of cars, but the average North Korean can not afford the cost of an automobile. So, in the spirit of the game, the cars are replaced with a more realistic game piece- the shoe.

If you are curious as to the accuracy of the above game, please take a look at some of these images.

This is a propaganda poster from... guess where? Does this poster look to you as if the North Koreans want to be our friends?

This is what life does to you in North Korea. If these kids had been born in South Korea there lives would have been a lot brighter.

What If President Obama Had Been An Emperor Of China?

2009-04-07T13:25:00.005-05:00

Last week I did a post about Al Gore living in ancient Greece. I had way to much fun doing that, so I have decided to take a modern day personage and/or idiot and transport them back into time every week or two- at least until I run out of idiots. Luckily that doesn't look like it will happen anytime soon.

This week our President, Barack Obama, will travel back through time. Now what I'm about to say next is strictly for my Left-wing readers- sorry, but he will not be transported to the years of the Kennedy administration. I know, I know. You're saying that he is the reincarnation of John Kennedy, but I still don't see it. Kennedy scared the crap out of the USSR so much that they pulled their nukes out of Cuba. And from what we see from our "new" Kennedy the only thing he could scare is Wall Street. Besides, I'm here to present Mr. President as he REALLY is, not as what you HOPE he would be.

Now that my ramblings are out of the way, I can now present "What If President Obama Had Been An Emperor Of China?"

His Imperial Majesty the Emperor of the Great Wong Dynasty, Son of Heaven, Lord of Ten Thousand Years stood staring out of the royal bed chamber's window. Since his assent to the throne a few months ago there had been more work to be done than he had thought imaginable.

The new Emperor was of humble origins. Born with the name Barack-li (say it aloud a few times, please), he gradually drew a devoted following with his oratory skills. Then, as his power was at its fullest, he overthrew the previous throne-holder, Emperor Bushao. Bushao had spent his entire time on the throne trying to stave off an invasion of Mongols from the North. His implementation of defensive measures such as advanced weaponry and the improvements to the Great Wall had slowed the Mongol armies. Yet some members of his kingdom had criticized the former Emperor for these very measures. "The Great Khan of the Mongols would be more friendly if our own kingdom showed kindness and understanding towards him and his territory," these people had said. "The Mongols are merely fighting us because they perceive us as a threat! Here we are with such terrifying swords, strong horses, and skilled fighters, yet they are stuck with living in mud huts in the mountains." Bushao ignored the criticisms and continued to show a strong hand in national defense.

Barack-li promised a new policy towards the Mongols- compromise and cooperation. "There will be no more fighting the Mongols!" he cried upon coronation night. "Our Mongol brothers need not fear us any longer. I offer peace instead of war, compassion instead of hate."

Now, three months later, His Imperial Majesty the Emperor of the Great Wong Dynasty, Son of Heaven, Lord of Ten Thousand Years was facing a dilemma- his country's neighbor, Xia, was being attacked by Genghis Khan's armies. From the reports that were just delivered, the Xia were announcing that if assistance were not forthcoming from Barack-li's country the kingdom of Xia would surely fall to the Mongols. Barack-li was not so sure about this.

"Couldn't you have a conference with Genghis?" Barack-li wrote to the beleaguered ruler of Xia. "I know that ole Geng looks a little rough around the edges, but deep down I'm sure he is an understanding man. You or your citizens probably offended him and he's just showing his frustration with you. Serve him some fermented yak's milk and he'll open right up."

Two weeks later a ragged man entered Barack-li's throne room. "What is the meaning of this?" cried Barack-li.

The obviously injured man replied, "I am the messenger to the Great Ruler of Xia, Your Majesty."

"Oh, so what does he say?"

"He says nothing."

"Well, do you know if he followed my advice? Did he meet with the Khan of the Mongols? Did they work things out?" The messenger suddenly looked very embarrassed. "Well, go on you fool! Tell me!" yelled the Emperor.

"Yes, he did follow your advice. Last week he met with the Khan in a room in the palace. My Great Emperor did everything to please the Khan, brought him food, drink, and relaxing music. My Emperor began discussing on how they could have a peaceful end to the conflict when...", the messenger paused. "That's when the Khan threw his chalice of fermented yak's milk at the face of My Emperor. As the Emperor was wiping the liquid from his eyes Genghis Khan drew his sword and... now my Emperor says nothing."

Barack-li's face reddened slightly. His foreign policy had failed! "What happened next?" Barack-li said crestfallen.

"Genghis and his men slaughtered My Emperor's soldiers. The palace was razed to the ground. My Emperor's Head Wife was kidnapped, and from what I hear, she is now a concubine of the Khan."

Barack-li cast a glance over at his own Head Wife, Mei Chelle. At the moment she was flexing her biceps in front of the court. He sighed in relief as he thought, "At least Genghis would not be crazy enough to want her."

One year later, Genghis Khan's conquests had vastly increased his strength. In fact, the only territory in Asia that did not belong to the Khan was Barack-li's kingdom.

Barack-li had a tough decision to make- should he try to negotiate or should he attack Genghis while there was still a chance to win. He turned to his servant and ordered, "Summon Yul Gei-thner immediately."

Yul Gei-thner appeared quickly. As a Royal Adviser to His Majesty, Yul Gei-thner had many privileges. He never had to pay a tax, never had to wait in line, was the Emperor's main source of help and guidance, and was generally disliked by everyone except Barack-li. But everyone who despised him were consoled with this one fact- Yul Gei-thner was a eunuch. This fact alone explained a lot of things concerning the nation's foreign policy.

"Yul Gei-thner, I want your advice. What should we do about the Khan? Should we attack him now before he reaches our border?"

Yul thought a moment before saying, "Your Majesty, I suggest we send some of your troops to the area where Genghis is camped. Hidden, of coarse, so we do not frighten the Khan. Then I will send a message to him stating that his behavior has been disappointing, but we could still work out our differences instead of starting an unnecessary war."

"You are brilliant," said Barack-li. "I authorize this plan and expect it to begin immediately." Yul Gei-thner nodded and went directly to the army's generals. Three days later a large number of the Emperor's troops were hidden in a valley a mile away from the Khan's army. A Royal messenger was instructed to deliver Barack-li's handwritten note, which read:

"Genghis, this is enough. Our armies should not fight. I understand that your people have been poverty stricken for many years, but this is not the way to gain wealth, my friend. I would be glad to donate money to you and your people. We have more money than we can spend! Why don't you apply for some government aid? I will see to it that you are approved. Sincerely, Barack-li of the Wong Dynasty."

Later it was learned that the Royal Messenger, seeing that Genghis' troop numbers were far more than anyone had anticipated, promptly defected to Genghis' side. He reported to the Khan where Barack-li army was hidden, the exact troop number, the physical state the troops were in, and reported when an attack on Barack-li's men would be the most deadly. Needless to say, the Emperor's army was destroyed.

The Mongols marched into Barack-li's capital, pillaging and destroying everything in sight. Genghis himself captured Barack-li and threw the once mighty Emperor into the palace's dungeon. As Barack-li looked around the cell, he could see many of the same people who had encouraged his policy of appeasement and compromise. One such man looked at Barack-li and did not recognize the former ruler. "Who are you?," he asked. "You look familiar."

Barack-li said,"I was the Wong man ruling at the wrong time."

Barack's New Campaign

2009-04-05T15:19:00.009-05:00

"In America, there is a failure to appreciate Europe's LEADING role in the world. Instead of celebrating your dynamic union and seeking to partner with you to meet common challenges, there have been times where America has shown ARROGANCE and been dismissive, even DERISIVE." President Barack Obama

What a great speech. Apparently Barry misses the campaign trail. He spent two years of his life on the road trying to convince the voters of the United States into electing him Commander-in-Chief, and he now has little meaning in his life. He loved the hustle and bustle of the campaign. He gave speeches that caused crowds to go insane! Yes, Barry even misses his bus...

And cat-fighting with Hillary.

So, now that he has absolutely nothing to do, he is launching a brand, spanking new endeavor.

President... Of Europe.

Not President of the European Union, I mean an actual PRESIDENT of the CONTINENT of Europe.

This is a fantastic idea. I mean, he already has qualities that strike me as being fairly European.

(a) He has Socialistic tendencies.

(b) I can picture him in a French beret.

(c) European history is chock full of kings and queens who were idiots, and Barack is an, well, you know.

(d) He already has a court jester.

And, just like his last successful campaign for president, he has a top notch team who have prepared him for his new European vacation- I mean campaign.

The first step is to explain to the little people (us) that just because he's trying to be the leader of Europe doesn't mean that he can't be the leader of the USA, too. "I am an American," he said recently at his first campaign stop. "But I am a child of the world. I have close ties with Kenya on the African continent. I have a deep love for my former home in Indonesia. Now it is time for me to show the people of Europe how much I care for them,too.

"America has elected me to their highest office, and I was honored and humbled by their confidence in me. But Americans are arrogant. They think they are just soooo great for the things they have done for this planet. It's time for the United States to bow down to Europe, like a humble servant to a Saudi Arabian king. If I am elected President of Europe I promise that America will not be mean to you any more. Scouts honor. I'll bridge the gap of our differences. Starting with jobs. I have noticed that there is a job shortage here. People are unemployed and they're upset. I can understand that, so I will send jobs here that Americans do not want. We're lazy when it comes to working anyway so it won't hurt us one bit.

"You may be saying, 'But I don't want to work, Mr. President.' Well, that's fine by me. The people that do work will be happy to support you.

"Europe is in a crisis. This crisis was produced by two causes: the United States and the rich. I have already begun to correct the problem the USA has caused. My next duty is to relieve Europe's rich families of their money. This trickle down wealth will revitalize the continent. The Queen of the United Kingdom will have to move out of her fancy castle and find a modest three room apartment."

He continued ,"England's famous crown jewels are at this moment worth millions, yet they sit unused. This is a travesty! When I am elected the crown jewels will be taken away and be delivered to Michelle. Michelle, who is a very fashionable lady, will daily wear these fine pieces of art for everyone to see because a national treasure should not be wasted in some museum... or on the body of some old broad.

"American citizens may ask what will be the advantage to them if I become a European president. Well, to put it simply America could use a good dose of European culture. For instance, Amsterdam with its legalized marijuana. What a terrific idea! I'm sure that Amsterdam is recovering from the world economic recession more quickly because of of the enormous tax gains it receives from hippies and college students.

"So, in conclusion, America is the greatest country in the world! We must keep America at the top! America is the land of freedom, of peace, and very few countries appreciate that anymore... What? What's that, Hillary? Oh, yes. Excuse me, everyone, but I've just been told that the last few sentences of my speech were from George W. Bush. Someone on my staff accidentally added it. Dang teleprompter!

"Since the rest of my speech is missing I will tell you what's in my heart. America stinks! Yes! I know when to jump off a stinking sinking ship. So God bless Europe instead!

"Excuse me again, but I've just been informed that the term God is offensive to some of you. Pardon me. I'm used to saying things like that just to make people over there happy."

The above article (except for the top quote) is of entirely my own imagination. If Barack Obama does try to become President of Europe I would like to be the first to say "Au revoir".

The Obama Family Rules Of Royal Protocol

2009-04-03T11:23:00.012-05:00

-When greeting royalty respectfully address them when in front of others and the media.

-Grab and squeeze your nearest royal monarch. Start with a shoulder grab.

-If the above works out well, continue with the "butt pinch", a sure monarch pleaser. (Also works when the monarch reaches out to you first.)

-Give the royal personage a considerate gift, such as an iPod. It shows just how hip and totally in tune with today's society you think His or Her Majesty really is!

-If the iPod seems to please the monarch, give His or Her Majesty a link to a music piracy website to download even more songs, for free!

-When in the presence of a monarch from a free, peaceful nation DO NOT curtsy or bow before him or her. However,when in the presence of a royal despot who denies his or her subjects of freedom, please bow and show this monarch how much you respect their laws and government.

April Fool's Day Wishes

2009-04-01T13:21:00.012-05:00

My Top Five April Fool's Day Jokes That I Wish Were True

#5 Director Michael Moore, hungry after a day of Conservative bashing, mistakes his own tongue for beef jerky. With the loss of coherent speech, he is forced to retire from political movie making. His new job title- mime.

#4 Nancy Pelosi apologizes for the gigantic stimulus bill she helped push through Congress. She henceforth promises to be frugal with tax payer money, and decides to use Greyhound instead of Military jets when traveling.

#3 Hillary Clinton bitch slaps Bill after she hears of his 2 million dollar donation to Pop singer Shakira's foundation. Bill says that he did it for the children. Hillary says he did it because of something else.

#2 President Barack Obama declares that he is "not ready" for the responsibility of running the country. After his resignation, Joe Biden flees to Switzerland to escape from becoming president. Numerous potential presidents also flee, leaving only Governor Sarah Palin to pick up the pieces of the Presidency. She then deports Obama because he is an "illegal alien".

#1 Terrorist Osama Bin Laden was trapped by American forces in a dark, musty cave in northern Pakistan. Begging for mercy from his captors a Marine asked Bin Laden if he felt guilt over the thousands of innocent victims he had slaughtered. When Bin Laden expressed his delight in the deaths he had orchestrated, the Marine gave a sharp kick to Bin Laden's "private area". Osama will get little use out of his 40 virgins after he is executed now.

What If Al Gore Had Lived In Ancient Greece?

2009-03-30T13:43:00.007-05:00

This blog is called Historical and Modern Day News and Trivia, but I've been neglecting the historical aspects of my blog lately. So, today, I present "What If Al Gore Had Lived In Ancient Greece?"

Long, long ago in a Grecian city far, far away there lived a man named Albertus Goreus. Albertus was a wealthy citizen from Athens who could buy anything his heart(or stomach) desired. While most of his class of citizens were content with their lives, Albertus felt unloved. And, so, one summer's day as he sat upon the steps of the temple of Zeus, he noticed how warm the air was. He placed his hands upon the giant stone steps. And they were scorching hot! Albertus stared at the sun. How bright it shone! He could feel the heat pouring from the giant, golden orb of Apollo.

Ten minutes later, as he was being carried away from the temple because he had stared at the sun to long, he thought, "Oh, my! The world will be burnt to a crisp if I don't do something about it!"

After Albertus recovered his eyesight, he created an organization to bring attention to the warming of the world, which he named the Alliance for Protection Against Apollo's Anger. He insisted on giving long, tedious speeches to the populace of Athens on how they were angering the Gods of Mount Olympus, especially Apollo, God of the Sun and Gaia, Goddess of the Earth.

"Citizens of Athens!" he would scream. "The Gods are angry with us lowly mortals! We have done horrible, vile things! We have created civilizations, great monuments, and giant temples, which have devastated Gaia."

Then came his show stopping quote. "My fellow Athenians, people all over the world, we need to solve the heating crisis. It's not a political issue; it's a moral issue. We have everything we need to get started, with the possible exception of the will to act." The populace cheered!

Albertus devoted all of his time with the cause. He wrote and acted in a play called "An Inconvenient Fact" which gained him thousands of followers. His play won the coveted Academia Award for Depressing Play of The Year- the judges could not decide if it was a tragedy or comedy.

Other prestigious awards and prizes followed. Albertus gloried in his power. Then, a few voices, quiet at first, began to be heard. Among these voices was the philosopher Socrates. During one of Albertus' five hour long speeches Socrates could not stay quiet any longer. He rose from his bench in the amphitheater and began to debate Albertus.

"Albertus!" Socrates cried. "Where is the evidence that the world will be destroyed from the heat?"

Albertus smiled smugly as he replied, "Is it not sweltering? Is it not hot? The evidence lies before you!"

Socrates said, "Yes, but it gets hot every year. It has done this for hundreds of years,since the beginning of time!"

"The heat is much worse now, Socrates. And it will become worse still as we anger the Gods more," haughtily declared Albertus.

"How will pacifying the Gods reverse the heating of the world?" said Socrates firmly.

"What!" cried Albertus. "Do you dare to deny the destruction of our world!"

Socrates calmly looked upon Albertus' bloated face and said, "The highest form of Human Excellence is to question oneself and others."

Albertus screamed, "Guards, seize him!" Socrates was dragged away, tried with corrupting the youth of Athens and impiety, and sentenced to death by drinking poisonous hemlock. Albertus felt that the punishment was fitting since Mother Gaia produced the plant herself. And he felt better.

The Liberal Dictionary

2009-03-26T17:35:00.005-05:00

This idea was inspired via Conservative Scalawag's Blog.

Have you ever become hopelessly confused concerning the new liberal jargon? Terms that were once used daily by the government have disappeared. Through exhausting research I have compiled a list of terms that were once used, and have defined them so that even a left-winger could understand them. And I have provided the definitions to the new liberal words that we are just now beginning to learn from the new administration. Shall we begin?

Enemy Combatant- Term created during George W. Bush's presidency meaning a person suspected of terrorist acts and/or fighting against American Armed Forces. As in, the enemy combatant was detained in Guantanamo Bay.

The new liberal term for enemy combatant- Misinterpreted Patriot. New sentence: The misinterpreted patriot was detained in Guantanamo Bay. Doesn't that sound nicer?

Terrorist- Person who causes chaos, death, and destruction. As in, The terrorists hijacked four planes.

The new liberal term for terrorist- Confused Radical. New sentence: The confused radicals hijacked four planes. This person is not a terrorist- they are only confused. Give 'em a hug and they will certainly want to be your friend.

President- A leader of a country or organization. As in, The citizens of the United States have declared Barack Obama to be president.

The new liberal term for president- His Royal Highness. New sentence: The citizens of the United States have declared Barack Obama to be His Royal Highness. You also may substitute His Royal Highness with the terms His Royal Hineass or His Royal Jackass, whichever you prefer.

Ally- Friend. Or a county who cooperates with another country for mutual benefit. As in, Our allies depended on the United States for their safety and livelihood.

There is currently no liberal term for this word. Liberals have not added this word to their language. His Royal Hineass is currently considering abolishing this term altogether.

Illegal Alien- Person who resides in a country illegally. A person who enters a country without permission from that country's government. As in, The illegal alien works at a toy factory in Memphis.

The new liberal term for illegal alien- U.S. Job Taker. New sentence: The U.S. Job Taker works at a toy factory in Memphis. You see? The U.S. Job Taker only wants to work at the jobs that Americans don't want. Note: There is currently 300 American citizens waiting for the U.S. Job Taker to leave his position at the toy factory and return to Guatemala.

Signs Of The Apocalypse

2009-03-25T12:18:00.008-05:00

When Europe, the continent where Socialism is in fashion, tells you that you are crazy...

STRASBOURG, France (AP) - The president of the European Union slammed President Barack Obama's plans to have the U.S. spend its way out of recession as "a road to hell," underscoring European differences with Washington ahead of a crucial summit next week on fixing the world economy.

...then you know that it's the end of time.

When the United States tries to stimulate the sagging U.S. economy by buying inferior Chinese condoms...

Mike McGraw- KansasCity Star...the U.S. Agency for International Development, which has distributed an estimated 10 billion U.S.-made AIDS-preventing condoms in poor countries around the world. But not anymore. In a move expected to cost 300 American jobs, the government is switching to cheaper off-shore condoms, including some made in China. The switch comes despite implied assurances over the years that the agency would continue to buy American whenever possible.

...then you know that it's the end of time.

When the USA is admitting that it has not done enough to fight the war on drugs and protecting the border...

MEXICO CITY (AP) - Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said Wednesday that America's "insatiable" demand for illegal drugs and its inability to stop weapons from being smuggled into Mexico are fueling an alarming spike in violence along the U.S.-Mexican border. Clinton said the United States shares responsibility with Mexico for dealing with the violence and that the Obama administration will work with Mexican authorities to improve security on both sides of the border.

...then you know that it's the end of time.

And God help us...

The 'Bama Bunch

2009-03-24T12:23:00.003-05:00

Here's the story,
Of a Congress lady,
Who was working with clueless boys and girls.
All of them had brains of mold,
Like their leader,
And Teddy makes me hurl.

Here's the story,
Of a man named 'Bama,
Who was appointing deadbeats on his own.
They were men like, Daschle and Guithner.
Doesn't it just make you groan?

Then one day the congress lady met this fellow,
And they knew when it came down to the crunch,
That this group would somehow form a monopoly.
That's the way they all became the 'Bama Bunch.
The 'Bama Bunch.
The 'Bama Bunch.
That's the way they became the 'Bama Bunch.

Sixth Anniversary Of The Iraqi War Brings Out The Nuts

2009-03-21T14:04:00.010-05:00

WASHINGTON (AP) - Hundreds of war protesters from across the country gathered in Washington on Saturday to mark the sixth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq.

Organizers from the ANSWER Coalition said more than 1,000 groups sponsored the protest to call for an end to the Iraq war. Holding signs that read "We need jobs and schools, not war" and "Stop the war!" they rallied around noon across the street from the Lincoln Memorial and by 1:30 p.m., were beginning to march across the Memorial Bridge to the Pentagon.

Protesters demanded that President Barack Obama immediately withdraw all U.S. troops from Iraq, saying thousands of Iraqis have died and thousands of American troops have been wounded or killed.

Protesters lined up about 100 cardboard coffins on the ground draped with flags, including the American flag, representing countries where the U.S. has taken military action.

Isn't this quaint? In the year 2009 we still have hippies that are trying to recapture the drug induced feelings of 1969.

I would like to point out for the billionth time that the Iraq War is nothing like Vietnam. Death toll for US forces during Vietnam: 58,159 dead. Death toll during the Iraq War: 4,251 as of the end of February.

Protesters in Tokyo

Yet we still get idiots from around the world who think otherwise.

San Francisco

Oh,yeah, you being run over by a trolley really gets me to thinking.

The White House

On the sixth anniversary of the US entry into Iraq, I would like to think about the one thing these protesters have overlooked. The US troops. They have made a contribution to our safety. Not everyone this week has forgotten that.

Nervous- You Bet I Am

2009-03-20T09:55:00.003-05:00

I'm kind of nervous today. The reason for this case of the jitters can be seen here.

Did you see it? Did you see the name of the person who wrote the story? Yes, I am very nervous today.

By the way, "Welcome To The Tundra", the title of the chapter, is a knock-off of the Guns-N-Roses song "Welcome To The Jungle". And I have never shot a polar bear. So please consider that before you write me hate mail. Have a nice day!

Radioactive Liberty still needs more people to volunteer for their online novel. It's a blast to do, so go and sign up!

Bailouts, Congress, And Weird Al. Can It Get Any Better?

2009-03-19T12:09:00.005-05:00

News article #1- Congress gets an excuse to raise taxes.

WASHINGTON (AP) - The House is scheduled to vote today on a bill that would levy a 90 percent tax on bonuses paid to employees with family incomes above $250,000 at companies that have received at least $5 billion in government bailout money.

"We figured that the local and state governments would take care of the other 10 percent," said Rep. Charles Rangel of New York, chairman of the tax-writing House Ways and Means Committee.

New article #2- Congress realizes too late that they gave away government money to tax dodgers.

WASHINGTON (AP) - At least 13 firms receiving billions of dollars in bailout money owe a total of more than $220 million in unpaid federal taxes, a key lawmaker said Thursday.

Rep. John Lewis, D-Ga., chairman of a House subcommittee overseeing the federal bailout, said two firms owe more than $100 million apiece.

"This is shameful. It is a disgrace," said Lewis. "We are going to get to the bottom of what is going on here."

News article #3- Since those past bailouts are working so well, the government thinks we should blow another $5 billion dollars on the auto industry.

WASHINGTON (AP) - The Treasury Department, trying to stabilize the battered auto industry, will provide up to $5 billion in financing to troubled auto parts suppliers who are linked to Detroit's carmakers, officials said Thursday.

The funding would be made available from the government's Troubled Assets Relief Program, or TARP, said two congressional aides briefed on the plan.

Am I, and my fellow bloggers out there, the only Americans reading and actually understanding what's going on here? Congress flushed billions of dollars down the toilet when AIG and others received bailout money. Anyone with a functioning brain knew that the money would be wasted and that these companies were going to do something either illegal or morally wrong, so what is the big shock? The only shock to me is that Congress is outraged. Heck, you guys were asking for it to happen! When you give "free" money to financial failures (AIG) you should expect more greed and irresponsible behavior.

And, newsflash, the auto industry is going to blow through their money also. It will not help them. These companies need to start learning how to manage themselves. Do you think Henry Ford, the founder of Ford Motors, would have been in this mess if he were alive today? No, he would not. He survived the Great Depression but our modern industries can not handle this? Was the Great Depression the good ole days economically speaking?

I think it is time to put a shoe mark on every Congressperson and Senator who voted for these bailouts and that Stupidity Package. Kick their dumb butts down the steps of the Capital. I'd pay money to see that.

And, this video has nothing to do with the bailouts, but it is a Weird Al Yankovic song about the effect of the economy on us citizens. I love this song "Whatever You Like".

Guess What President I Am?

2009-03-19T10:34:00.002-05:00

You Are Most Like George H. W. Bush

You're considered boring by people that don't know you well. But like Bush senior, you do crazy things.

Maybe you'll end up banning broccoli in your house, or puking on the Prime Minster of Japan!

What Modern US President Are You Most Like?

I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I am thankful that it did not say I was like Bill Clinton.

Personally I liked George Bush Senior. I was in, I think, first grade when he was running for President. And even though my father was a Democrat (yes, that's right. But he was a southern Democrat so he was a good guy.) he bought me a little elephant from the Republican National Convention that year. Memories. Now I'll go skydive like my President here.

Bloggers Who Use The Embedded Comment Form Please Read This

2009-03-13T17:29:00.004-05:00

I and some other people are having difficulties posting comments on blogs that use the embedded comment forms. On these forms the box where you choose your identity/account is empty, so therefore you can not leave a comment. I have refreshed the page a thousand times, cleared my personal data, deleted cookies, enabled third party cookies, used both Internet Explorer and Firefox, and pulled my hair out so now I will have to wear a wig like Queen Elizabeth the First.

Strangely the pop-up comment form and the other comment form always work just fine for me.

Basically I wanted to let people know that this is a problem. If I haven't left a comment on your blog in the last few days it is because of this. Hopefully I'll find a solution soon. If any of you know how to eliminate this problem let me know, please.

P.S. Blogger is driving me nuts!

****Update****

Started using Opera browser and it works! Well, sometimes it works. I have had it do the same thing, but the I refreshed the page and presto!

I Declare My Allegiance... To Me

2009-03-13T11:40:00.004-05:00

I read this story at Support Your Local Gunfighter.

A man in Pennsylvania on a DUI charge claims that the courts have no jurisdiction over him because he is his own country. Scott Allan Witmer, who was arrested for drunk driving, said in court, "I live inside myself, not in Pennsylvania."

At first glance you may think this guy is nuts, but consider. This could be your way out of responsibility forever!

IRS agent- Sir, you havn't paid your taxes in 17 years. You owe the US $50,000 right now.
You- I'm sorry, but I haven't lived in the US for 46 years. I live in myself and have been paying taxes to myself the entire time.

Police Officer- Ma'am, you ran past a red light and were driving 20 miles over the speeding limit.
You- In my country I don't need to stop at red lights, and I can drive any speed I want.

You- Why, hello Obama.
President Barack Obama- You will call me Mr. President or President Obama. The term "Obama" in reference to me is rude.
You- What? Are you crazy or something? In my country I'm known as Greg. But you may refer to me as Your Most Greatest Of The Great King Greg.

This Scott Allan Witmer needs to do a few things to legitimize his country. He needs a Constitution, a Bill of Rights, and a national song. Heck, I may do it, too. Maybe that will get me out of having to do the laundry.

The Greatest Hoax Of All Time?

2009-03-10T10:30:00.004-05:00

Do you know that the Earth is technically still in an ice age? We may not have wholly mammoths and saber tooth tigers, but this planet is colder now than it has been for most of its existence.

Yet some scientists are saying that this "climate change" we are supposedly experiencing is man's fault.

It's as if these scientists have never studied a graph before on the Earth's past climates. It's been a roller coaster. Sometimes the planet is hot and humid with jungles and deserts covering the continents. The poles at these times were NOT blanketed with snow and ice. Other times (somewhat less time I might add)the world was cooler and the poles were like giant ice cubes.

To put it bluntly, if the world's climate is changing, it is normal. If we were to all stop driving our car and trucks, if we were to close down every factory, if we were to revert back to a cave-man like existence, we would STILL see the world changing. Why? Because our planet never stays the same. The continents are always on the move. Volcanoes are producing more land. Hurricanes are taking beachfront property. It is called life on Earth. If a scientist or political leader thinks they can change that, they are suffering from delusional derangement.

If you don't believe me, fine. But do just one thing. Go and read Michael Crichton's book State Of Fear. The book is fiction yet it has tons of actual facts. Plus it makes Al Gore and the whole "climate change" bunch look like morons, so it's a terrific read. I think that though the plot is fiction; there are some chilling instances where fiction may actually be fact. For instance, in the novel, it is claimed that "climate change" was invented to keep us in a perpetual state of fear. After the cold war ended, it says, politicans needed something to keep the world scared at all times. Then enters "global warming". Crichton, who was the author of such great books like Jurassic Park, Sphere, and Congo, passed away recently. America lost a great and brilliant man. You'll understand why after you read State Of Fear.

Mild Max- Radioactive Liberty's Online Novel

2009-03-08T15:45:00.003-05:00

Are you tired of the "global warming" hoopla? Do you enjoy reading science fiction? Does a freezing, post-apocalyptic world sound inviting? Are these questions annoying you? Well, Radioactive Liberty, that hilarious political humor website, is creating an online novel of epic portions entitled Mild Max.

Mild Max will be similar to Mad Max, but it has this distinct difference- there will be numerous authors of this story. That's right! Each Friday a different person will have a chapter of this cold saga. Last week it was Alex L. This Friday it will be Jumpout. The Friday after that will be, drum roll, me.

I'm very excited to be participating in this. My favorite book is Alas Babylon , which was pre- and post-apocalyptic. And Mild Max is already turning out to be, well I can't say it's a page turner since it's online, we can call it a page scroller instead.

Now that my excitment is out of the way, I wanted to let everyone know that Radioactive Liberty wants more people out there to participate! If you like writing and are interested please go to their website.

Two Initials You Will Not Want To Hear- U.N.

2009-03-07T19:27:00.005-06:00

Back in 1979 the U.N. (the Useless Nincompoops)created a treaty called the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW). This treaty's intention is self-explanatory. Eight countries did not sign, including Sudan, Iran, and the United States.

Now 30 years later Senator Barbra Boxer wants to see the treaty ratified.

"We've waited long enough," says Boxer. "All these years later, there's no excuse for not ratifying this critical convention to shine a light on women's rights around the world."

Color me surprised me I found out that Saudia Arabia is one of the countries that did ratify that treaty back in 1979. Wow, it has done the women there a lot of good, hasn't it?

This is a good time to point out that the United Nations can print a pretty word on paper, but when it comes to actually enforcing laws, it is useless. If a country like Saudi Arabia can have an "equal rights" bill that it obviously never intended to carry through with why does the USA bother to sign UN treaties?

Answer- because our leaders have the attention spans of jellyfish.

As a woman I have absolutely no problem with the US NOT adopting this treaty. Know why? Because the US already has an equal rights bill. We've got the Declaration Of Independence.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness."

In this day and age the term "men" can be substituted for "people". Sounds good to me.

Then there is the Bill Of Rights with its ten amendments. Again this bill is intended for every American citizen.

So, what is the fuss all about? Women and men are both protected, so stop wasting government money on a bill that is not needed.

Reason #1297 Why A Pet Gator Is A Bad Idea

2009-03-07T13:46:00.003-06:00

In New Castle, Pennsylvania the fire department was called to a burning abandoned school building. A man was apparently living in the school (he was the new owner) with assorted animals including 70 rabbits, aquatic animals, and an alligator.

The gator is suspected of causing the blaze by knocking over a heater.

Here is a picture of the gator.

Wally Gator.

I hope someone out there remembers him besides me, or I will feel ancient.

WWOD?, and Bank Holidays, and FDR; Oh My!

2009-03-05T12:52:00.008-06:00

This day (March 5) back in 1933 Franklin Delano Roosevelt declared a "bank holiday". This almost sounds like a good thing, like a restful and relaxing day for bank employees.

But as you know nothing is as good as it sounds. This holiday temporarily closed all US banks and froze its transactions. And why was this done? Because the banks and other financial institutions were finding themselves bankrupt.

Now imagine that you lived at this time. For this month your money will be unavailable to you. If an emergency popped up (hospitalization, car repair, etc) you would be, well, let's just say you'd be up a well-known creek without a paddle.

This day in history should be noted more. As companies and banking institutions are disappearing like Big Mac's in Al Gore's lunchbox, we all need to consider what the future may hold. A banking holiday today? You bet!

You probably have heard the much publicized "What Would Obama Do?" slogan.

Consider my version of WWOD. Just ask yourself this one question, "What Will Obama Do?"

Now add your own WWOD? captions.

History Repeating Itself

2009-03-02T11:25:00.003-06:00

The Dow Jones has fallen below 7000. It has not been at that level since 1997!

We now have a Democrat in office and the supposed "Good Times Are Here Again" propaganda has not materialized. In fact, it is strangely prophetic that the Dow Jones is at the same level as it was during Bill Clinton's term as president.

The nation's financial system is in shatters. Will your money be safe in a bank? Here is my suggestion for all of you.

Your money will be a lot safer in there.

I've Got Spammed!

2009-02-28T13:25:00.005-06:00

Just when I thought I couldn't get sick enough, this arrived in my inbox.

Re:FROM: Sgt. Jeff Frawley
Important Message

Hey,

My name is Sgt. Jeff Frawley, I am an American soldier, I am serving in the military of the 1st Armored Division in Iraq, as you know we are being attacked by insurgents everyday and car bombs. We managed to move funds belonging to Saddam Hussein’s family. The total amount is US$12 Million dollars in cash, mostly 100 dollar bills, this money has been kept somewhere outside Baghdad but because of the increase of some troop by the past president Bush, we are afraid that the money will be discovered hence we want to move this money to you for safe keeping pending the completion of our assignment here. You can go to this web link to read about events that took place there:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm

We are ready to compensate you with good percentage of the funds, No strings attached, just for you to help us move it out of Iraq. Iraq is a war zone, so we plan on using diplomatic means to shipping the money out as military cargo, using diplomatic immunity. If you are interested I will send you the full details, my job is to find a good partner that we can trust and assist us. Can I trust you? When you receive this letter, kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone numbers for quick communication also your contact details.

This is risk free.

With regards from,

Sgt. Jeff Frawley

I didn't realize that I was so important to the US Army. I'm gonna be a millionaire, woohoo!

The best part is that "American soldier's" email address is from Slovakia.

Actually this person makes me want to track them down and scream at them for a couple of hours. Duping Americans in the name of the US Army? Despicable.

I wonder how many Americans have already fallen for this gag?

A Thought To Ponder

2009-02-28T12:40:00.005-06:00

Archaeologists in Portugal have unearthed a slate of ancient writing that has not been used for over 2,500 years.

"We have a lot of doubts," says Amilcar Guerra, a university lecturer. "We can read characters and see the phonetics in action ... but when we try to understand what they actually mean we have a lot of problems."

Then I realized that archaeologists and American taxpayers have a lot in common.

If You Write Bad Checks, Move Here

2009-02-28T11:10:00.005-06:00

Justice today is ridiculously slow. A criminal murders someone yet it takes years for him or her to be tried in a court of law. However, I've never heard of justice moving this slow.

J.A. Rowland wrote a bad check totaling $30. Now the Carter County Sheriff's Department is hunting for Rowland. When did this happen? 1928! This man also owes $2 for the arrest fee and 50 cents for the warrant. That is, if he's still alive! He would have to be at least 100 years old now, if not more.

I would like to know if the recipient of that bad check will receive their money. I'm sure they've needed it badly for the past 80 years.

We Are Quitters, Mr. President

2009-02-25T09:55:00.006-06:00

"We are not quitters," says the President referring to the economy. However we are quitters concerning Iraq.

The New York Times reports,
"President Obama is nearing a decision that would order American combat forces out of Iraq by August 2010 as he seeks to finally end a war that has consumed and polarized the United States for nearly six years, senior administration officials said Tuesday."

Then why don't we abandon our bases in Germany? How about Japan? Or South Korea? Surely we are spending millions of dollars a year in upkeep on these bases (I'm being sarcastic here). Six years is nothing compared to how long we have been stationed elsewhere. Germany- 64 years. Japan- 64 years. S. Korea- 60 years roughly. Cuba- Since 1898!

And the deaths in Iraq are terrible, but the toll is small compared to other wars we have fought.

The surge of American troops was working. I could actually turn on the news and not hear of attacks there every single night. What will reducing troops do to that country?

I've spoken to American troops who have been in Iraq. And do you know what every one of them said to me? It was this, "We need to stay." Yes. Every soldier has said that. Every one said that Iraq is slowly getting better, but abandoning it will be disastrous. This is why I am concerned. Obama may be President, but it's these women and men who know what they are talking about.

Why should America pull out of a country that is just now stabilizing to some extent? Are the Iraqis ready for this security headache? A force of "tens of thousands" of our troops are supposedly going to stay behind and train Iraqi troops. To cover an entire country?!

I'm very concerned that Iraq will go the way of Iran. Instead of a possible friend in the Middle East we may wind up with an enemy.

And The Hypocrite Of The Day Is. . .

2009-02-23T13:35:00.003-06:00

President Barack Obama said the country "cannot and will not sustain deficits like this without end."

Ya think? Well I guess those hundreds of trillions of dollars that are being wastefully spent will help our deficit? Will someone please give the man a calculator!

5 Ways To Survive The Recession

2009-02-21T11:15:00.004-06:00

Is the economy depressing you? Are you out of a job? Broke? Well, never fear! Through exhausting interviews with Great Depression survivor Sally Carrol Harper, I have discovered ways to survive this troubling time.

Afraid you'll be mugged? Then let every would-be criminal in the vicinity know that they won't be getting any money from you anytime soon.
Evicted from your apartment? Can't afford your mortgage? Well, why not move to this community known as Hooverville? With its recycled material recently removed from the town dump, you too can live green.
That private school you're sending Junior to is eating up your savings. Why not send him to this school where tuition is only a bundle of firewood a week or a free meal for the teacher.
Food seems to get more and more expensive. But this establishment is free. You may have to wait awhile before you are served, however.

5. Sell your personal property for mere pennies on the dollar and you'll be sure to get an interested buyer.

Note: It is scary how similar the 1929 Stock Market collapse is compared to our economic downfall. I sincerely hope that the above pictures will remain apart of our history and not become our future.

Barack Obama Honored On President's Day

2009-02-16T12:13:00.002-06:00

Well, what did you expect? After all, the man is the new Lincoln.

WTF? Experts Grade Performance Of All U.S. Presidents.

2009-02-15T12:41:00.005-06:00

A panel of "experts" has handed down their judgment on every president we've had so far. Hey, and good news everyone, Obama was not named number 1- yet.

They gave Lincoln the number 1 spot. I can't say that I disagree, so I'll give 'em that one.

Two was Washington. Again I don't disagree.

Third was FDR. Really? The man who lead us on the road of dictatorship is the third best president? The man who left Vice President Harry Truman in the dark concerning American foreign and domestic policy? What a joke!

Eight- Ronald Reagan. Good.

Number 10 is Woodrow Wilson. Sigh. This guy during his second presidential campaign promised that he would continue to keep America out of World War One. And you already know what happened to that promise.

Number 11, JFK. I do not like Kennedy as a person. If I had known him I probably would have told him a thing or two. But, I do admire him for his handling of the Cuban Missile Crisis. So I won't complain about this one.

Number 12, LBJ. The guy who increased American troops in Vietnam, but people still believe the Republicans started this war. Ironic- or is it moronic?

Bill Clinton was number 23. HA! HA! HA! And even better is that George H. Bush was at number 20.

George W. Bush was tied at number 37 with of all people Richard Nixon. GRRRRR. There has not been another 9-11, has there? Didn't he keep that promise to us? These so-called experts need to pay closer attention.

James Buchanan came in dead last. Athough he was a Democrat, I feel sorry for him. He was the President right before the Civil War broke out, so the experts blame him. Who are these experts? The South seceded from the Union because Abraham Lincoln was elected president in 1860. Buchanan nor anyone else for that matter could have kept that from happening, but that's just my opinion.

If you want to scream and rant at the list here is the link.

Are You Ready For The Big Switch? Do You Know What I'm Talking About?

2009-02-14T10:14:00.007-06:00

Analog t.v. is almost dead. The switch between the old-fashioned analog to the modern digital signal is just a couple of days away. This has been touted as the best thing since sliced bread. But there's a couple of things that just tick me off.

The U.S. Congress passed this Switch Bill back in the late 90's, yet I did not hear a peep out of anyone concerning this until the very end of 2007. That's when television stations finally began to let their viewers know about this transition.

"As long as you have a new t.v. or subscribe to cable or satellite you are good to go," they said.

Really? Well, I bought a brand new t.v. at Christmas of 2006. Deep inside the box we found a note. It informed me that I would need to get a converter box for my nice new purchase in the year 2009. This was the first I had ever heard of it.

I later found out that new t.v.s did not have to be digital until March 2007. A lousy 3 months after I bought my set! Grumble, grumble.

By 2008 I wanted to know why going digital was so important. Most news stations gave this reason: to free up the air waves for emergency personnel. Well, I couldn't argue with that- especially down here in Mississippi after what Hurricane Katrina did to us.

Then I found out that our government had sold to private companies a portion of the air waves. How much did Uncle Sam get from these companies? 19.6 billion.

And here I thought Congress did it for the safety of the country. HA!

What these people in Washington do not know is that when a catastrophe like a hurricane or an earthquake strikes we ordinary folks depend on analog t.v. to deliver important news. Most people here in south Mississippi were without electricity for a week or more after Katrina. But if you had a t.v. that ran on battery power you could at least see important messages. Do they even make digital battery powered t.v.s yet?

I just want to know when the government will try to take away AM/FM radio. And how much they'll get paid for it.

If You Think Your Valentine Was Bad Just Ask Bugs Moran

2009-02-13T17:53:00.000-06:00

Valentine's Day is a lovely holiday. A time for expressing love to that special someone or to your family. But, did you know that Valentine's Day is intertwined with not one but two famous bloodbaths?

The first involves the two Saints that we owe the holiday to, Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni. They were both martyred.

The other took place on Valentine's Day 1929 in Chicago. Chicago back then was a city suffering immense corruption (some things never change, huh?). Men like Al "Scarface" Capone had become millionaires from illegal booze, drugs, and prostitution.

I have to sidetrack for just one moment. Capone was a cruel, miserable human being. He murdered countless numbers of people. But, I feel I must report something that I feel was a smart move for a criminal. Capone feared raids by the police on his houses of ill-repute (whore-houses). So he thought up this idea to combat this situation. He had a house directly on the border of Illinois and Indiana. Whenever a police raid came from Illinois all he and his gals had to do was walk to the Indiana side of the house. Then when Indiana's cops came a-knockin he would walk back to the Illinois side. Remember this bit of advice if you ever plan on opening up such an establishment. It was recommended by Scarface himself.

As I was saying, Chicago was overrun by these gangs. And these guys did not get along well with each other. In fact, a lot of the deaths at this time were members of rival gangs. George "Bugs" Moran and Al Capone were constantly fighting each other. And Al did not want to share any city with anyone.

Six of Moran's men plus a doctor were found murdered in a garage. They had all been lined up against a wall with their backs turned. A woman living nearby claimed to have seen two policemen emerging from the garage moments after gunshots were fired. These two "cops" were leading two "suspects" away from the scene. Yet Chicago police said that they did not have any officers near the area.

The only suspect was and still is Al Capone. But he was vacationing in Florida at the time. Good alibi, no?

Although he was the person who had most likely ordered the shootings, police could do nothing.

Capone got what was coming to him later. He was arrested and charged with tax evasion several years later. Then he died in prison.

So, on this Valentine's Day, look deeply into your loved ones eyes and be thankful that gangs are a thing of the past. . . Oh crap, they're still around? Umm, well, look deeply into your loved ones eyes and keep looking over their shoulder.

Man Arrested For Murdering Hawk

2009-02-12T21:23:00.000-06:00

Full story can be seen here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29105073/

In Vienna, Virginia a man named Thomas Sheplar took in an orphaned squirrel which he named Oedipus. One day Oedipus was skippering around the backyard when Thomas caught sight of a hawk. The hawk caught sight of Oedipus and apparantly thought, "Umm, squirrel chops." Thomas went inside and grabbed an old shotgun and killed the hawk before it could kill Oedipus. Unluckily for Thomas, a police office was in his neighborhood and had heard the shot. Thomas explained the situation to the officer- then he found himself in the backseat of the patrol car. The patrolman (who must have been bored for something to do) charged Thomas with discharging a firearm in a public place and cruelty to animals.

First of all, a backyard is not a public place. The last time I checked it was considered private property(that is it WAS considered private property. Did this country turn Communist without notifying me?).

Secondly, how is killing a hawk to save a squirrel cruel? Wouldn't it be considered cruel to the squirrel if Thomas had allowed the hawk to kill it? Has the world gone nuts (pun intended)?

So, as a word of caution to all of you hunters out there, do not shoot any more animals. That is cruel and you will be arrested. Instead find an animal that is already near death and wait for it to die.

I'm not a hunter, but this news article leads me to believe that some wacko in Washington DC will make killing an animal a felony one of these days.

This police officer must be a liberal.

The First Republican President

2009-02-11T13:47:00.000-06:00

Today is Honest Abe Lincoln's 200th birthday!

I went to AOL news to see if they mentioned this event. Nope! I guess the man who freed the slaves and kept the country from splitting apart is not important to the folks at America Online. . .

Yet I did find a nice article on Lincoln, at of all places, BBC World News. What?!? The British are more concerned with our past than we are?!?

Abraham Lincoln was. . .

The first Republican to become President of the United States
The Great Emancipator
The man who would not let this country fall apart

Happy Birthday Abe! May there be more presidents like you in our future.

And if anyone mentions that Lincoln is Obama's mentor I will track you down and lecture you on how Lincoln and Obama are completely different.

Oh, did I mention that I'm from the South?

The Presidential Embarrassments: Or It's Time For A Kennedy Family Reunion!

2009-02-10T09:49:00.000-06:00

Most of us regular folk have a relative or two that is embarrassing. But, hey, United States Presidents are not immune to them either.

I previously wrote about John F. Kennedy's embarrassing brother Ted, but I realized that his family is literally a gold mine of crazed relatives! I could not pass up this opportunity to further delve into this family.

First of all, we will leave out the fact that JFK himself was an embarrassment. Due to the fact that his alleged affairs with women like Marilyn Monroe AND his alleged illegal drug binges are not proven, I will leave his conduct up to you to decide.

We will start with the man that started it all, Joseph P. Kennedy Senior. What a guy! He loved to cheat on his wife (a trait that seems to have run in the family, eh?). Famous Hollywood actress Gloria Swanson was one of his conquests. He allegedly wanted to have a child with her.

Then, in his spare time, he would return home to his wife Rose and impregnate her. Apparently Rose liked this arrangement and never complained.

Joseph was smart enough to donate huge amounts of dough to FDR's Presidential Campaign. FDR promptly rewarded Joseph with a post in the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission. In 1938 he became Ambassador to the United Kingdom (Court of St. James). This was an important position in not only was this America's friend, but also Nazi Germany was knocking on their door- and they weren't selling frankfurters. He then managed to alienate the entire British Isles and the U.S. with this gem of a thought, "Democracy is finished in England. It may be here." And this was the father of a president and two senators?

I saw a little anecdote about him that may or may not be true. During the time of Germany's Air Raids, British officials called him a coward for his tendency to run to an air raid shelter at any sign of an airplane. They dubbed him "Jittery Joe".

I'm sure he just could not figure out why he was told to resign. . .

As a side note, it is commonly declared among Democratic circles that during the Great Depression most people here in America were jobless and poor. I assumed that most businessmen were down on their luck also. Read this article from Wikipedia.

It has been noted that during the Depression Kennedy vastly increased his financial fortune by investing most of his fortune in real estate. In 1929 Kennedy's fortune was estimated to be $4 million. By 1935, his wealth had increased to $180 million. According to Time Magazine, Kennedy survived the crash “because he possessed a passion for facts, a complete lack of sentiment and a marvelous sense of timing."

Brother Robert is JFK's virtual twin. Though you won't see this in any Wikipedia article on Robert Kennedy, I firmly believe that he was a womanizer, too. He had a wife and a large family to attend, but he always kept his eyes on the single ladies. Marilyn Monroe was supposedly a "lady friend".

And, yes, these two brothers (allegedly) had an affair with the same woman. Hey, at least they learned to share.

Robert is also one of the last people to have seen Marilyn before she died. He apparently was trying to end their affair. She was threatening to go to the press. This is a big reason why some people suspect that she was murdered. Take note that this is unsubstantiated. I personally believe that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. . . But, I'm a hypocrite. I don't put anything past the Kennedys.

I've already discussed Edward "Ted" Kennedy in my last post. Yet I feel I must reveal a often overlooked fact. Of all the Kennedy men who had extramarital affairs, only Ted's first wife Joan left him. I think she couldn't "grin and bear it" any longer.

So, to put this into perspective, from this one family we've had:

1 United States President
2 Ambassadors
1 Attorney General
3 Senators
2 Congressmen

And people still call the time of the Kennedy Administration "Camelot"?!?

Presidents And Their Brothers; Or The Presidential Embarrassments

2009-02-03T10:53:00.000-06:00

With a new year we also have a new President, but it seems we're getting the same-old same-old out of the Presidential Family members.

George Obama, President Barack Obama's half brother, was arrested in Kenya on drug (marijuana) charges. Of coarse, this is pretty embarrassing. I mean, why is it that Barack was born in the United States and he is given the name "Barack", yet his brother is born and raised in Kenya and has the British/American sounding name of "George"?

Luckily for President Obama he is not alone. Former President Bill Clinton also had a half brother who was a source of embarrassment for years. Back when Clinton was governor of Arkansas his brother Roger Clinton was charged with cocaine distribution. After Bill's term of President was over Roger then was arrested for drunk driving.

Another Democrat who had an unpleasant incident concerning near relatives was President Jimmy Carter. His brother Billy urinated in full view of the media at an airport runway. He also came out with his own brand of beer called Billy Beer. Would you want to drink a beer made by someone who didn't wash his hands after urinating in public? Apparently no one else did either because the company went bust.

And then there's poor JFK. He would have had it the worst if he had lived. I'm speaking, of coarse, about Edward "Ted" Kennedy. In 1969, while having a delightful drive with a lovely woman named Mary Jo Kopechne, he "accidentally" drove off a bridge into Poucha Pond. Ted "Water wings" Kennedy swam to shore. Mary Jo drowned in the car. Then a funny thing happened. NOTHING. That's right, nothing. Ted did not report to anyone of the accident. He did not attempt to even notify Mary Jo's relatives of her death. In fact, he did not tell anyone until his car was discovered the next day. Can you imagine the conversation?

Police: Mr. Senator, did you leave the scene of an accident?

Kennedy: Hmmm. Let's see. . . Oh, yes, I do recall falling off of a bridge in my car. Shoot, I forgot all about it.

Police: Was there anyone else in the vehicle with you at the time?

Kennedy: Uhhh. Not that I can remember.

Police holding up picture of dead Mary Jo Kepechne: Are you certain?

Kennedy smiling: Oh, yeah! I knew I forgot to get something out of that car. By the way, did you see my driver's license down there?

More embarrassing relatives to come soon.

Strange Facts Of Our Presidents: George Washington The Marijuana Farmer?

2008-12-05T11:40:00.000-06:00

A long time ago, in the land of Virginia, there lived a small family by the name of Washington. The father of the family planted a beautiful little cherry tree on their farm. Father explained to the family that they must all be very careful around the tree, because if anyone were to injure it, they would be punished. George, a very small boy, was given a hatchet as a gift which he immediately wanted to test. Seeing the little tree he momentarily forgot his father's warning, and he chopped it down. Later the father discovered the dead tree and questioned young George. "Who chopped down my cherry tree?" he asked. George bravely replied, "I cannot tell a lie," and then admitted his guilt.

George Washington never chopped down a cherry tree and admitted it to his angry father. The story told above is just that- a story. The story was concocted decades after Washington was elected President. Oh well, there goes another great old legend. But we still have many more interesting facts concerning our first president.

Washington was born on February 22, 1732 in Virginia into a modest farmer family. His half-brother Lawrence married into the wealthy and influential Fairfax family of Virginia. Washington, then a young man, fell in love with very married Sally Fairfax. However, there was never any indication that she would actually leave her husband. There is also no proof that anything immoral or sexual ever occurred between George or Sally. Yet, there is tangible evidence that Washington carried his feelings for her for the rest of his life. In a letter to her written decades after they first met, he wrote that he had, "never been able to eradicate from my mind those happy moments, the happiest in my life, which I have enjoyed in your company." Martha must have been very understanding.

Martha Washington was a plump, amiable lady who at first despised the notion that her husband was now the President of the United States. She was originally a widow with two children, and because of laws concerning women at the time (who were supposedly too stupid to manage their finances and property. But I guess they were ALLOWED to cook, clean, sew, and everything else.) she was forced to seek a husband to manage her property. Here's where George steps in.

He was a colonel at the time of their 1759 marriage. George's new role as husband and father seemed to suit him very well. Martha's children seemed to get along with their stepfather, and he to them. And, despite the whole Sally Fairfax thing, George and Martha became very close. Theirs was not a romantic marriage- it was more like a partnership. I don't mean to imply that they hated each other or anything like that. They simply loved each other in their own way. I suppose it was more friendly than adoring.

Now, here's something that you may have heard about. Washington grew marijuana on his farm. Yeah, marijuana! But before you imagine Georgie smoking it up and hallucinating like Willie Nelson, let me tell you something. Back in the 18th century marijuana was used for its hemp, a natural fiber. Paper, cloth, and many other things were produced from hemp. It was a major crop until cotton became the king of the cloth. Many other famous historical figures at the time grew hemp, too. Sorry to disappoint you. I don't know about you, but I felt relieved when I found out. I mean, just imagine Washington fighting the British while he was high. It would have turned into Vietnam.

And George did not wear a wig. That's his real hair powdered white because that was the custom back then. Today if you have white hair you color it blond. See, the past isn't all that different than it is today. It's just kind of backwards.

Washington did wear dentures, but the kind he wore you'll never see in your Grandpa's mouth! He owned several types of dentures over the years, but none were ever made out of wood. And thank God for that. Imagine the splinters! He did own some that were made from hippo ivory and real human teeth. . . yuck! And they did not exactly feel comfortable either. They eventually caused Washington's mouth to become misshaped and it hurt him very much. He could not eat hard or chewy foods because of his teeth problem. And, by the time he became President he only had one or two of his own teeth left.

Another fact about George Washington is that he was offered the position of King of the United States of America- and he refused to take it. What can anyone say to stress the awesomeness of that fact? Would you refuse to become a king or queen? I probably would not. Most people wouldn't either. If I had the opportunity to ask just one question to Washington it would be why he didn't put a crown on his right then and there. Do you think President Franklin D. Roosevelt would have refused? I don't think so! The man ignored Washington's tradition of a President not accepting more than two terms. Roosevelt was elected four times, died during his fourth term, and probably would have demanded a fifth if he had lived longer. Well, I would think he would have wanted the title of Emperor instead of King. Emperor Franklin sounds better than King Franklin to me.

In December 1799 Washington passed away. He had hoped to stay alive long enough to celebrate the arrival of the new century. Doesn't life stink sometimes?

Well, on second thought, we shouldn't feel too bad for him. His face his on the quarter, the one dollar bill, numerous stamps, AND he has a state, a capital, and hundreds of cities named after him. I think the ole marijuana growing, hippo denture wearing President would be impressed.

Why History Can Be Cool

2008-11-25T18:41:00.000-06:00

I know that the above title will cause some of you to snicker, but it is true nonetheless. History has much more to offer than most people realize.

For instance, let's say you saw a strange dog unknown to you and you decide to give it a pat on the head. And, to your surprise, the mongrel gives you a nasty bite. Now, let's say a few months have passed and you happen to see the same dog again. Would you try to pet it again? Probably not because you learned from your past mistake that this dog will likely bite you. It is your recollection of your own history that saved you.

Well, the history that you find in books does the same thing. Maybe I should say instead that history has the potential to save you and your respective government- if it is used wisely.

I think the best example of what I am speaking of involves two men- a repulsive figure of history and a egotistical emperor.

We must begin in early 19th century France where a former French Revolutionist became Emperor of the French Empire. His name was Napoleon Bonaparte. Systematically he had captured many parts of European countries including Spain, Italy, Germany, Belgium, and Denmark. Other places became mere puppets of his regime. At first he claimed a surprising number of allies- Russia being among them. However, after several years of cooperation, the alliance broke. In the summer 1812 Napoleon's vast military attacked Russia. Napoleon's advisers had spoken to the Emperor previously, saying that an attack would be disastrous.

But Napoleon did what many high ranking officials do when his advisers use caution. He ignored them.

The French military forces soon found Russia to be more than they could handle. Russian forces avoided armed conflict with the French as much as possible. Also, they destroyed all food and supplies they could so the French army could not benefit. This alone soon caused the French great misery when winter hit. French rations became meager; starvation became prevalent. Disease and death soon followed.

Eventually, the French won the battle for the city of Moscow- for a price. Casualties on both sides were astounding, numbering into the many thousands. Head Russian officials secretly ordered the city burned. Napoleon's army gave up its quest for conquest and returned home to face other conflicts.

Now, let's go forward in time to the year 1941 when Adolf Hitler attacked the Soviet Union (Russia). Before this attack Hitler's major supporter was Joseph Stalin of the Soviet Union. Hitler's advisers warned Hitler that attacking the Soviet's, especially when the German army was already spread across Europe, would not be a good idea. But Hitler's desire for domination blinded him of all dangers and he proceeded with the attack.

The winters of the Soviet Union were very harsh on the German Army. Death stalked them in the forms of disease, starvation, and the Soviet Army. The Germans never quite made it to Moscow like Napoleon did, but they did hold out much longer- from 1941 to 1944. That's when they were finally pushed out. Hitler's other armed conflicts were not going very well either.

Do you see the similarity? Napoleon and Hitler both believed that they could conquer any country they desired, yet Russia proved to be harder than they thought. These two men both ignored their trusted advisers pleas for not attacking Russia. In the name of greatness for their respective country they declared war against Russia, which was a lie in both cases. They both had at one time been FRIENDS with the leaders of Russia/Soviet Union. They both broke their alliances,too. The Russian winters crippled both of their mighty armies. Both of them had conquered major sections of Europe and had placed puppet regimes in nearby countries. And, they both tried to conquer Russia as their armies were fighting other countries.

Don't you think Hitler could have used a good history lesson?