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What If Al Gore Had Lived In Ancient Greece?

Long, long ago in a Grecian city far, far away there lived a man named Albertus Goreus. While most of his class of citizens were content with their lives, Albertus felt unloved. And, so, one summer's day as he sat upon the steps of the temple of Zeus, he noticed how warm the air was. Albertus stared at the sun. How bright it shone! He could feel the heat pouring from the giant, golden orb of Apollo. Ten minutes later, as he was being carried away from the temple because he had stared at the sun to long, he thought, "Oh, my! The world will be burnt to a crisp if I don't do something about it!"... READ MORE

Jimmy Carter Has A New Mission In Life...

But you know how Jimmy is, always wanting to prove that he's right and that he wasn't the absolute worst president in history. That's right. The founder of Habitat For Humanity has a new organization that he will unveil soon. An organization which will help battle the effects of Global Warming AND the carelessness of humans. I think Jimmy should explain, so here's former President Jimmy Carter... READ MORE

The White House Dog Pageant

The First Family should be getting a new puppy sometime soon and the media seems to be going gaga over this tidbit of news. So, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. Through a White House contact I have been directed to pictures of the puppy nominees. Here are their respective pictures with a brief description of their traits and qualities... READ MORE

Al Gore's Handy "How To Save The Planet Studyguide"

Hello, you all know me, I'm Al Gore the friendly CEO of the Eco-Movement! Like the biotch, I mean, Secretary of State, said, we need to correct our past mistakes and save our Earth from the dreadful possibility of more Spring-like days... READ MORE

GM's New Line Of Cars Are A Little Strange...

With the recent General Motor's stock grab by the United States government and the United Auto Worker's Union, there will be a few minor changes to the company... The production of gasoline powered automobiles will cease, as of now. New, cleaner cars have been produced, and you will see them very soon at your local car dealership. Here are a few... READ MORE

Hello, everyone. Your friendly CEO of the Environmental movement is back- and I'm P.O.'d.

Big time.

Representative Michele Bachmann is reintroducing a "Light Bulb Freedom Of Choice Act" that would repeal the phase out of incandescent light bulbs. My fellow Eco-conscious citizens, do not fall for this dangerous woman's evil scheme! She is in league with General Electric to keep these satanic by-products on store shelves!

My fellow Eco-zombies, if you would just look at the evidence you can clearly see which is better.

Incandescent light bulbs produce an astounding 45 million tons of carbon in the United States per year. And you thought Edison was a role model, you philistine. That represents about 0.006%of the carbon in our atmosphere.

Our new and environmentally friendly CFL bulbs use 60 % less energy than those regular bulbs. And they last longer. So why don't you make the switch? Save Mother Earth!

Oh, my attorney has advised me to describe what to do if your new Compact Florescent bulb were to break. Because there's a little bit of mercury. Enough to contaminate 6000 gallons of water. It's no big deal.

Just follow these directions.

  • Leave the room for at least 15 minutes. Read my book "Our Choice: A Plan To Solve The Climate Crisis" while you are waiting for the mercury fumes to subside.

  • Get a glass container, place the broken pieces of the bulb inside, and securely seal it with a metal top.

  • Don't put it in the trash. You must recycle it. Either walk or bike to your nearest facility that handles CFL recycling. Since not too many centers are handling CFLs at the moment, you'll get lots of exercise trying to locate one yourself.

  • You probably should think about getting rid of your rug or carpet where the bulb broke. You can afford it.

  • Don't vacuum it up! It could spread the mercury around your home even more.

  • Don't use CFL bulbs if you are pregnant, may become pregnant, were born to a pregnant person, or have small children.

See, it's easy. CFL bulbs are terrific as long as you don't have small children. Or mind having chest pains, cough, hemoptysis, and weakened pulmonary function when you accidentally break the bulb. But who cares about you? It's the environment we should worry about.

Remember, a whole 0.006% of carbon could be saved from going into our atmosphere if we switch! There's only a 99% chance that you will drop your new CFL light bulb, causing you untold pain and sickness from mercury poisoning if you do not properly clean up after the breakage.

Don't let those Wall Street Fat Cats give you the freedom to choose between a cheaper, safer light bulb and my precious CFLs!

Thank you for your time. And please pass the gravy while you're at it.

9 Responses so far.

  1. MY WORD!! Are you aware that His Eminence Al Gore is the High Priest? He's not just any old Priest of the Church of We're Doomed If'n Ya Don't Pay Up, no-sir-ree-bob! He's the High Priest. How can I tell?

    Look at his eyes. They resemble nothing more than pieces of fried baloney. Al must've gotten a case of the munchies, cuz he's about the size of Elvis in that pic.

    Seriously, these commie bastards have overreached by a mile. They're trying to walk it back and looking like fools in the process. Go, Michele, GO GO GO!! (But please don't offer yourself for the presidency.)

  2. JihadGene says:

    That bottom photo scarred me for life, LOOONG time!!!

  3. I can't believe the government is pushing CFL through legislation.

    Like Gene said that last image was a scream.

  4. I must agree with Gene: The Al Gore image is ummm, cringe-worthy. He's so huge, I thought it was Marlon Brando, at first.

    There are some excellent lines here. For instance, "Either walk or bike to your nearest facility..." Or the creme de la creme, "Don't use CFL bulbs if you are pregnant, may become pregnant, were born to a pregnant person, or have small children."

    Anyhow, nice post and thanks for putting it out there!!

  5. Elm says:

    Thank you. That Fat Al Gore pic is the last picture I made before my "hiatus". Made way back in April 2009.

  6. Old NFO says:

    It's about time somebody put that crap bill in the trash heap... I went out an bought a case of incandescent bulbs just in case... :-) And yeah, that pic was just plain bad...LOL

  7. Yes, but will it release my second Chakra?

  8. Fiar says:

    Unfortunately, no. It will only release your first chakra.

  9. Panta Rei says:

    Theres's more..
    how manufacturers sought the ban on profit motives
    (why welcome being told what you can make? ;-) )
    with references, document copies etc

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