Hello, everyone. Your friendly CEO of the Environmental movement is back- and I'm P.O.'d.
Representative Michele Bachmann is reintroducing a "Light Bulb Freedom Of Choice Act" that would repeal the phase out of incandescent light bulbs. My fellow Eco-conscious citizens, do not fall for this dangerous woman's evil scheme! She is in league with General Electric to keep these satanic by-products on store shelves!
My fellow Eco-zombies, if you would just look at the evidence you can clearly see which is better.
Incandescent light bulbs produce an astounding 45 million tons of carbon in the United States per year. And you thought Edison was a role model, you philistine. That represents about 0.006%of the carbon in our atmosphere.
Our new and environmentally friendly CFL bulbs use 60 % less energy than those regular bulbs. And they last longer. So why don't you make the switch? Save Mother Earth!
Oh, my attorney has advised me to describe what to do if your new Compact Florescent bulb were to break. Because there's a little bit of mercury. Enough to contaminate 6000 gallons of water. It's no big deal.
Just follow these directions.
- Leave the room for at least 15 minutes. Read my book "Our Choice: A Plan To Solve The Climate Crisis" while you are waiting for the mercury fumes to subside.
- Get a glass container, place the broken pieces of the bulb inside, and securely seal it with a metal top.
- Don't put it in the trash. You must recycle it. Either walk or bike to your nearest facility that handles CFL recycling. Since not too many centers are handling CFLs at the moment, you'll get lots of exercise trying to locate one yourself.
- You probably should think about getting rid of your rug or carpet where the bulb broke. You can afford it.
- Don't vacuum it up! It could spread the mercury around your home even more.
- Don't use CFL bulbs if you are pregnant, may become pregnant, were born to a pregnant person, or have small children.
See, it's easy. CFL bulbs are terrific as long as you don't have small children. Or mind having chest pains, cough, hemoptysis, and weakened pulmonary function when you accidentally break the bulb. But who cares about you? It's the environment we should worry about.
Remember, a whole 0.006% of carbon could be saved from going into our atmosphere if we switch! There's only a 99% chance that you will drop your new CFL light bulb, causing you untold pain and sickness from mercury poisoning if you do not properly clean up after the breakage.
Don't let those Wall Street Fat Cats give you the freedom to choose between a cheaper, safer light bulb and my precious CFLs!
Thank you for your time. And please pass the gravy while you're at it.