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What If Al Gore Had Lived In Ancient Greece?

Long, long ago in a Grecian city far, far away there lived a man named Albertus Goreus. While most of his class of citizens were content with their lives, Albertus felt unloved. And, so, one summer's day as he sat upon the steps of the temple of Zeus, he noticed how warm the air was. Albertus stared at the sun. How bright it shone! He could feel the heat pouring from the giant, golden orb of Apollo. Ten minutes later, as he was being carried away from the temple because he had stared at the sun to long, he thought, "Oh, my! The world will be burnt to a crisp if I don't do something about it!"... READ MORE

Jimmy Carter Has A New Mission In Life...

But you know how Jimmy is, always wanting to prove that he's right and that he wasn't the absolute worst president in history. That's right. The founder of Habitat For Humanity has a new organization that he will unveil soon. An organization which will help battle the effects of Global Warming AND the carelessness of humans. I think Jimmy should explain, so here's former President Jimmy Carter... READ MORE

The White House Dog Pageant

The First Family should be getting a new puppy sometime soon and the media seems to be going gaga over this tidbit of news. So, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. Through a White House contact I have been directed to pictures of the puppy nominees. Here are their respective pictures with a brief description of their traits and qualities... READ MORE

Al Gore's Handy "How To Save The Planet Studyguide"

Hello, you all know me, I'm Al Gore the friendly CEO of the Eco-Movement! Like the biotch, I mean, Secretary of State, said, we need to correct our past mistakes and save our Earth from the dreadful possibility of more Spring-like days... READ MORE

GM's New Line Of Cars Are A Little Strange...

With the recent General Motor's stock grab by the United States government and the United Auto Worker's Union, there will be a few minor changes to the company... The production of gasoline powered automobiles will cease, as of now. New, cleaner cars have been produced, and you will see them very soon at your local car dealership. Here are a few... READ MORE

Our beloved classic family movies are being "remodeled" to fit the Liberal demographic. Here are just a few of the movies you'll be seeing in a theatre near you.


Snow White


Classic Version: Snow White is a princess who has an evil, but beautiful, queen for a stepmother. The queen is a witch, too. The Queen tries to assassinate Snow White, but she escapes! Snow White stays with seven dwarf bachelors. The queen dresses up as an ugly old woman, poisons Snow White, but instead the queen dies a horrible death. A prince kisses Snow White and brings her back to life.

Revised Liberal Version: Snow White is a governor who is admired by many of the land. The Queen of the House was an evil, but incredibly beautifu... umm, well, incredibly bossy Speaker. She's a witch, too. The Queen, who dresses up and STILL is an ugly old woman, tries to kill Snow White politically, but Snow White escapes to the land of the freedom-loving "little people" (If that Swedish guy at BP can say small people, I can,too). The Queen never finds Snow White because she has never seen nor cares for the "little people". Besides, she reasons, they don't know what's good for 'em anyway. Snow White, however, helps to bring the little people's spirit back to life.





It’s a little known fact that this Witchy Queen must consume a fair maiden’s heart every two years. Otherwise her constituents will see her as the evil, disgusting leader that she really is.



OLD YELLER

Classic Version: In this timeless tale of a boy and his dog we enjoyed watching their friendship develop. Travis and Old Yeller watch and hunt the wild animals around their cabin. Old Yeller saves just about everyone on the cast, but when he gets bitten by a rabies-infected wolf, you know he's in trouble. Is there anyone out there that did not shed a tear when Travis had to "put down" his best friend?


Revised Liberal Version: Travis is declared an unfit owner because of his tendency to let Old Yeller roam free without a leash and collar (and also for Old Yeller's tendency to impregnate the female dogs of the area). Travis is fined to the maximum limit and is vilified. Old Yeller is put into a shelter where he is adopted by a family that keeps him in their 5 room apartment almost 24 hours a day. The only animals he can hunt now are the dust bunnies under the living-room sofa.




This may also have been titled “Marley And Me”.


Bambi

Classic Version: Bambi is a cute deer who grows up in a beautiful forest full of friendly animals. After his Mother is shot by a hunter, he is forced to grow up fast. As an adult Bambi finds a mate and twin fawns are born to them. Awwwwww.


Revised Liberal Version: After the hunter shoots Bambi's Mother, the man is fined and jailed for hunting out of season. The story of the motherless fawn becomes national news. Eventually hunting is declared immoral and illegal. All the animals celebrate- until the forest is cleared for the development of condominiums, studio apartments, pseudo-intellectual coffee shops, and the Democratic headquarters for the area.



If you squint just right you can see Al Gore’s penthouse apartment.




Pinocchio

Classic Version: An old man creates a wooden boy puppet that soon comes to life. But when Pinocchio tells lies his nose grows! Eventually Pinocchio learns from his mistakes, does a self-less act, and becomes a real boy.


Revised Liberal Version
: A puppet becomes president, but when he tells lies, his cover-ups and excuses grow! Eventually the puppet never learns from his mistakes, does selfish acts for his party, and becomes a real despot.








I don’t know. . . Maybe he looks better in lederhosen.

4 Responses so far.

  1. Tom says:

    Ha ha ha! Love it!

  2. Elm says:

    Thanks for the comment.

  3. It was just like being at the movies, only different.

    Noyce work, vurry noyce, indeed!

  4. Old NFO says:

    ALL good ones! :-)

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