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Filling the USA with Conservatives since 2000

What If Al Gore Had Lived In Ancient Greece?

Long, long ago in a Grecian city far, far away there lived a man named Albertus Goreus. While most of his class of citizens were content with their lives, Albertus felt unloved. And, so, one summer's day as he sat upon the steps of the temple of Zeus, he noticed how warm the air was. Albertus stared at the sun. How bright it shone! He could feel the heat pouring from the giant, golden orb of Apollo. Ten minutes later, as he was being carried away from the temple because he had stared at the sun to long, he thought, "Oh, my! The world will be burnt to a crisp if I don't do something about it!"... READ MORE

Jimmy Carter Has A New Mission In Life...

But you know how Jimmy is, always wanting to prove that he's right and that he wasn't the absolute worst president in history. That's right. The founder of Habitat For Humanity has a new organization that he will unveil soon. An organization which will help battle the effects of Global Warming AND the carelessness of humans. I think Jimmy should explain, so here's former President Jimmy Carter... READ MORE

The White House Dog Pageant

The First Family should be getting a new puppy sometime soon and the media seems to be going gaga over this tidbit of news. So, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. Through a White House contact I have been directed to pictures of the puppy nominees. Here are their respective pictures with a brief description of their traits and qualities... READ MORE

Al Gore's Handy "How To Save The Planet Studyguide"

Hello, you all know me, I'm Al Gore the friendly CEO of the Eco-Movement! Like the biotch, I mean, Secretary of State, said, we need to correct our past mistakes and save our Earth from the dreadful possibility of more Spring-like days... READ MORE

GM's New Line Of Cars Are A Little Strange...

With the recent General Motor's stock grab by the United States government and the United Auto Worker's Union, there will be a few minor changes to the company... The production of gasoline powered automobiles will cease, as of now. New, cleaner cars have been produced, and you will see them very soon at your local car dealership. Here are a few... READ MORE

Former nut... excuse me, Peanut farmer, Jimmy Carter, wrote a nice editorial right after Hurricane Katrina struck the US. In the article he blamed Global Warming for causing Katrina and other storms of similar intensity. Let's read what the idiot had to say, shall we?

The first warnings came in 1979 while I was president, when top American scientists expressed concern about global warming. Now we know their warnings are coming true, with a notable increase in the frequency and severity of hurricanes, the melting of mountain glaciers and ice in the polar regions and a rise in the level of the seas.

Did you know that the number of hurricanes in the past couple of years, and their severity, were lower than expected? Even the number or tornadoes, where I live, has been noticeably lower.

But you know how Jimmy is, always wanting to prove that he's right and that he wasn't the absolute worst president in history. That's right. The founder of Habitat For Humanity has a new organization that he will unveil soon. An organization which will help battle the effects of Global Warming AND the carelessness of humans. I think Jimmy should explain, so here's former President Jimmy Carter...

Thanks, Elm, even though you are a heartless, cretinous Conservative. But that's neither here nor there. You are of no consequence. I'm just using your blog to spread Liberal teachings to you non-believers.

As everyone knows I'm the creator of the hugely successful Habitat For Humanity foundation. My charitable organization builds countless homes for underprivileged families around the world. And even though I have saved the lives of all of these people, I still feel a deep ache in my heart for the ones that are still homeless...

Do you mean that you want to provide housing to even more Americans with low-incomes?

No, no, of coarse not. I'm speaking of the mass of yellow-toned workers who slave away for us day after day with absolutely nothing in return. Despicable!

Umm, are you talking about the Chinese?

NO! I'm speaking of another race. A race who's homes we destroy for our greedy and wicked reasons. These hard workers deserve a better life than to just serve us. So without further ado, here is the unveiling of...

Habitat For Bee Colonies is a non-profit that will build these dedicated insects new, better homes. Homes that will protect them against pillaging bands of bee's wax and honey thieves.

You're telling me that we humans should no longer use honey?

And candles!

But, Mr. President, how will we light our homes when this Administration takes away our right to use electricity?

Oh! You people always think of yourselves, but never the little guy! And you'll receive plenty of light from The Holy One's magnificent face.

But are old tires the best home for bees? It seems unhealthy...

Those tires were sitting in a dump taking up valuable space! We at Habitat for Bee Colonies believe in recycling.

Mr. President, I think this is a terrible idea. Bees can build their own homes.


Yes, scout's honor.

Oh... Well, then, how about this?

Habitat for Polar Bears is a charity that will house the poor polar bear population of the Arctic. These Teddy bears deserve a chance at living a long life. These are animals that we humans have been killing with CO2 emissions! Horrible! There are hardly any left now... But I, Jimmy Carter, have built for these noble beasts houses to fight against the Inuit. Take a good, long look at the last of the Polar Bear.

In 2004, the estimated population of Polar Bears in one section of Canada was 1400, then just 3 years later, the population was at 2100. The population was almost doubled in only 3 years! And there's similar stories of growing Polar Bear populations, Jimmy. But certain environmental groups are still clinging to the notion that we're killing them.

So, they're doing better now?

Much better. Fine and dandy.

Okay. How about this? You can't possibly say anything against these little guys needing help...

Sigh... Jimmy, where did you build that?

Cancun. Why?

Habitat for Hogs does sound interesting... But,umm, it's not a good idea to be hanging around pigs from Mexico right now, Mr. Carter. Perhaps you should go get a flu shot.

30 Responses so far.

  1. Elm,

    Your site should come with a warning for asthmatics. I could have died because I didn't see the Habitat for Polar Bears thing coming. Luckily, I keep a rescue inhaler close by.

    We helped Habitat for Humanity a few times. Some of the people in the already built houses had satellite tv, expensive dogs, and expensive cars. Goes to show that you can't do without the basics.

  2. Elm says:

    **WARNING** Any injury resulting from uncontrollable laughter on my site will be handled as follows: I will flee to Switzerland for immunity. Thank you for your time.


  3. Old NFO says:

    He stood too close to the nuclear reactor for WAY too long... sigh... :-)

  4. JihadGene says:

    I served in the Army under that SOB. I know how today's troops must feel serving under Obama.

  5. Deadman says:

    Slight correction - Jimmy Carper didn't found HFH. He just slimed it in the 80's.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Once again, you had my co-workers look at me as if I was a crazy person, as I laughed uncontrollably.

    Jimmy is the reason there will never be another president from Georgia.

  7. Elm says:

    Old NFO- I think you're right. And it may explain Obama's ethereal light that exudes from his face.

    JihadGene- How did you guys put up with him?!?

    Deadman- Well, he had me fooled. I should know not to assume anything anout a Lib.

    Conservative Scalawag- Never say never! Jimmy was an anomaly from planet x.

  8. cbullitt says:

    No NFO, It was Rickover bashing him on the head with spent reactor rods because he can pronounce the word "nuclear."

  9. Hammer says:

    Jimmah seems to be getting a bit senile. Maybe it's time to feed him to the hogs...

  10. Thanks, Elm, even though you are a heartless, cretinous Conservative.He should be immersed in peanut oil for that slander.

    Cheap Habitat for Humanity homes that will blow away in hurricanes like New Orleans did.

    They just get better and better Elm.

  11. Jimmy Carter - the 2nd worst president in US history, a communist, an idiot and a disgrace.

  12. Anonymous says:

    The wrong Carter was elected in 76.Should have elected Billie.

  13. Lynne says:

    Well, hello ALL YOU DUMB ASS REPUBLICANS! I'm flattered that you all would spend this much time on me. I'm also amazed that you think that deleting me and "blasting" me bothers me. Thanks for the time and energy.

    And while we're on the subject of being nasty, can anyone explain why it is that YOU all are allowed to be nasty to ME and others, tell me to go f*ck myself, etc. but it is not ok for me to say anything? The bottom line is, you all can certainly dish out lots of what you cannot take. Period. Again, I'm flattered that you think you're bothering me.
    Have a nice day.

  14. Deadman says:

    Well, hello ALL YOU DUMB ASS REPUBLICANS!How dare you call me a Republican!

    Hey Elm, who is this fucktard?...

  15. Elm says:

    Lynne- Who are you? I've certainly never heard of you before, so why are you here on MY BLOG spouting off? I have not "blasted you". But since you came here and insulted me, I think it's my right to say what's on MY mind.

    I went to another blog (I'm not revealing which one) where you said the same exact speech. Now, I don't mind if someone comes here and debates, but you could at least make it new and not carbon-copied. That's the way I am. If you are going to offend, make it interesting.

    And here's another point, Lynne. This site is for anyone who is sick of how our leaders in office are behaving. That goes for the Dems and Republicans. I say that anyone who thinks that this administration is doing a good job deserves a Dumbass Trophy.

    But the best thing about you is that you come here to preach to my readers, yet you do not allow anyone to view YOUR blog. Is that being fair? I don't think so. Does that mean that you have nothing to say or that you are afraid to show it to the world?

    Oh, and we don't spend any time on you- unless you are Obama, Pelosi, Reid, Geithner, or anyone of those jackasses in office.

    And a little word of advice... If you go to someone's blog and insult them, they are likely to insult you back. But, seeing that I'm so cool, I'll cut you a little slack since you must need attention. But, I recommend that you do not come back here and insult anyone. Consider that a heads up.

  16. Anonymous says:

    Elm,got the same message from Lyn myself. Looks like it was pre-generated,or she has no imagination of her own. Sort of like most liberal,can't think for themselves.

  17. Woody says:

    He is an asshat extraordinaire. He would win the Nobel Prize for asshattery. I'm ashamed he was ever my President.

  18. Anonymous says:

    I've seen her around also.
    She is a liberal sicko that does this on every conservative blog that she can.

  19. Cathy says:

    That was a great message to ass-hat Lynne..
    Sure we have bigger problems, we have Obama as our President and that is a BIG PROBLEM!

    No matter how people try to spin this.............BHO is Muslim......................... Look at the people that raised him............... Kansas born COMMUNISTS........... There daughter didn't just walk out the door in KansASS and pick TWO Muslims by accident to be her husbands or babies daddies..................

    Yes it always happens, communist and liberal breeding to forward their agenda, unfortunately this one got to the White House.

    Happy Mothers Day to you all.

  20. You gor Carter pegged perfectly.. Of topic a bit.. Did you hear that Wanda Sykes was spotted in Home Depot buying a new set on knee pads. So that she can bow down to Ă˜bama ..
    These unfunny miscreant deviants are STILL bashing George Bush and Dick Cheney under the guise of lampooning the new Marxist half-President....Let's see, she's female, she's black, and she's a lesbian...DING! A Triple Crown Winner in the eyes of lefties..
    just like the black ‘journalist’ who hoped that Clarence Thomas’ wife would feed him lots of eggs and bacon so he’d die an early death.

    That is what dems are all about. Can’t win on the merits so they slink into the sewer.

  21. Anonymous says:

    Happy Mothers Day to ya.

  22. Hi Elm, I'm kind of new around these parts but I want to pay you a complement on your wonderful blog not only is is beautiful, but the contents are right on track.
    Nice to be here.

  23. I gotta tell ya, I usually don't find too much to like, but I really LIKE YOUR BLOG.

    Great job.

  24. I see you are away and I hope everything is OK for you and yours.

  25. Anonymous says:

    Seeing that tombstone-toothed goober get skewered like that was fabulous! Outstanding post, Elm!

  26. Horses ass!! You got that right!
    Honest to God between him and Biden its a comedy show. Isn't it time to put Carter in a nursing home somewhere?

  27. Desperate liberals.. still scared to death of Republicans and Paranoid as always.

  28. Son3 says:

    Elm, what ever has happened to you?

    Just letting you know your absence has not gone unnoticed.

  29. Anonymous says:

    great post. I would love to follow you on twitter.

  30. Tom says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

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