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Long, long ago in a Grecian city far, far away there lived a man named Albertus Goreus. While most of his class of citizens were content with their lives, Albertus felt unloved. And, so, one summer's day as he sat upon the steps of the temple of Zeus, he noticed how warm the air was. Albertus stared at the sun. How bright it shone! He could feel the heat pouring from the giant, golden orb of Apollo. Ten minutes later, as he was being carried away from the temple because he had stared at the sun to long, he thought, "Oh, my! The world will be burnt to a crisp if I don't do something about it!"... READ MORE

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The White House Dog Pageant

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The First Family should be getting a new puppy sometime soon and the media seems to be going gaga over this tidbit of news. So, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon.

First of all, Presidential pets are very important to this country. There was FDR with his dog Fala. JFK had a nice little pony for his children. Both Bushs' had dogs. Clinton had Sox the cat- which he promptly gave up after leaving the White House, by the way.

Through a White House contact I have been directed to pictures of the puppy nominees. Here are their respective pictures with a brief description of their traits and qualities.


Shitspew- This breed is known for its lack of honesty. For reasons only known to itself, this dog often spews sh*t around.




American Hussy- Also known as the Vietnamese Hussy, this puppy likes to travel around the world and bad-mouth its owner. It barks a lot. The Hussy would be a perfect member of the current White House.





Bullcrapper- Want a pooch that was in show biz but is now a has been? Well try the bullcrapper. The bullcrapper thinks he is a comedian, but really he causes more depression than laughter. This breed is recommended only in Minnesota where, apparently, its bullcrap is acceptable.





Chow Chow Mein- Be prepared for large feedings with this dog breed. A mere bowl full of Kibble will not satisfy him. This dog also barks a lot when his mouth isn't chewing on something.




Californian Finger Pointer- This frisky breed loves to point out that she isn't responsible for anything that goes wrong. She is also known for her high cost of living. Luckily you, the owner, won't have to pay a cent since she will find things for free. Free jet rides for the whole family, for example.




Ass-pinscher- Please keep all females away from him. This dog breed does exactly what the name implies.

11 Responses so far.

  1. hehe...

    Very well thought out. You should check out the TOTUS blog and see the poll they have going.

    btw, That don't look like no Ass-pinsching going on to me, more of something else. But that's ok, he would be likely to do that as well.

  2. Some mighty fine looking bitches you got there. However,I don't think they are house broken.

  3. Hammer says:

    Well done!!

    Hilarious and so true.

  4. Like Hammer said "Well done"!

    Ass-pinscher, how true.

    Every picture of Pelosi is creepy, Like the Joker creepy, from Batman Returns.

  5. Grandma J says:

    HA!!! I love it. As I saw each one, I was thinking to myself, "that's my favorite". Then I'd see the next one and say, "no THIS one is my favorite".

    They all are! how clever!

  6. Old NFO says:

    Well done! The matches are "amazing" :-)

  7. cbullitt says:

    Nice job, Biden's "ears" go perfectly with the hair plugs. However, I would vote for inclusion of the Desert Rat, a nearly hairless creature often confused with rodents and found in the environs of Nevada and which looks remarkably like Harry Reid.

  8. Elm says:

    Bluepitbull- The ass-pinscher breed is also known as the ass-sniffer. I felt a picture showing how he goes after the "ladies" was in order. ;-)

    Conservative Scalawag- Yeah, I wouldn't want 'em in my house either.

    Hammer- Thank you. It was surprisingly easy to come up with.

    USA admiral- Pelosi is mega creepy. You know that saying "a face only a mother could love"? Well, I'm sure her mother had trouble coping with her birth.

    Grandma J- Whatever you do, don't buy one of those dogs!!! They look sweet and innocent but they are monsters!

    Old NFO- It made me feel so much better to pretend they were animals, and explained so many things...

    Cbullitt- Nevada needs to call the exterminator.

  9. Oh my God do I love this blog!

  10. Deadman says:

    That last one does more than pinch asses...

  11. Now I have to stop being a dog lover...lol

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