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What If Al Gore Had Lived In Ancient Greece?

Long, long ago in a Grecian city far, far away there lived a man named Albertus Goreus. While most of his class of citizens were content with their lives, Albertus felt unloved. And, so, one summer's day as he sat upon the steps of the temple of Zeus, he noticed how warm the air was. Albertus stared at the sun. How bright it shone! He could feel the heat pouring from the giant, golden orb of Apollo. Ten minutes later, as he was being carried away from the temple because he had stared at the sun to long, he thought, "Oh, my! The world will be burnt to a crisp if I don't do something about it!"... READ MORE

Jimmy Carter Has A New Mission In Life...

But you know how Jimmy is, always wanting to prove that he's right and that he wasn't the absolute worst president in history. That's right. The founder of Habitat For Humanity has a new organization that he will unveil soon. An organization which will help battle the effects of Global Warming AND the carelessness of humans. I think Jimmy should explain, so here's former President Jimmy Carter... READ MORE

The White House Dog Pageant

The First Family should be getting a new puppy sometime soon and the media seems to be going gaga over this tidbit of news. So, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. Through a White House contact I have been directed to pictures of the puppy nominees. Here are their respective pictures with a brief description of their traits and qualities... READ MORE

Al Gore's Handy "How To Save The Planet Studyguide"

Hello, you all know me, I'm Al Gore the friendly CEO of the Eco-Movement! Like the biotch, I mean, Secretary of State, said, we need to correct our past mistakes and save our Earth from the dreadful possibility of more Spring-like days... READ MORE

GM's New Line Of Cars Are A Little Strange...

With the recent General Motor's stock grab by the United States government and the United Auto Worker's Union, there will be a few minor changes to the company... The production of gasoline powered automobiles will cease, as of now. New, cleaner cars have been produced, and you will see them very soon at your local car dealership. Here are a few... READ MORE

-When greeting royalty respectfully address them when in front of others and the media.

-Grab and squeeze your nearest royal monarch. Start with a shoulder grab.

-If the above works out well, continue with the "butt pinch", a sure monarch pleaser. (Also works when the monarch reaches out to you first.)

-Give the royal personage a considerate gift, such as an iPod. It shows just how hip and totally in tune with today's society you think His or Her Majesty really is!

-If the iPod seems to please the monarch, give His or Her Majesty a link to a music piracy website to download even more songs, for free!

-When in the presence of a monarch from a free, peaceful nation DO NOT curtsy or bow before him or her. However,when in the presence of a royal despot who denies his or her subjects of freedom, please bow and show this monarch how much you respect their laws and government.

14 Responses so far.

  1. Good stuff Queenie!

    Absolutely hilarious.

  2. Red says:

    For high comedy check out the post at this blog:http://www.villainouscompany.com/vcblog/archives/2009/04/by_the_beard_of.html

    Also: (I couldn't resist this one).

    Prince Barry, yes, it is he
    But not as you know him
    Read my lips and come to grips with reality
    Yes, meet a blast from your past
    Whose lies were too good to last
    Say hello to your precious Prince Barry!

    So Barry turns out to be merely Obama
    Just a con, need I go on?
    Take it from me
    His personality flaws
    Give me adequate cause
    To send him packing on a one-way trip
    So his prospects take a terminal dip
    His assets frozen, the venue chosen
    Is the ends of the earth - whoopee!
    So long, ex-Prince Barry!

  3. Elm says:

    USA Admiral- Your Majesty appreciates your compliments. LOL!

    Red- I went to your link and got a good laugh. I didn't know you were a poet!

  4. Diller says:

    LMAO, keep up the good posts,if we lose our sense of humor,we are truly defeated.

  5. Red says:

    I just changed the name up on the lyrics from Jafar's song from Disney's Alladdin. It just works so well.

  6. Elm says:

    Diller- Thank you very much. And I couldn't agree more.

    Red- LOL!

  7. Bug says:

    Making little mistakes is one thing but it's obvious which one of these two people he respects.

    Or maybe he's just flat out scared to death of the man and has no repect what-so-ever for the white queenie.

  8. Anonymous says:

    While Obama is a complete putz,he is going to the the butt end of a good many jokes with material like provided.

  9. Grandma J says:

    At least the ipod was engraved...I mean heck how else can you get away with re-gifting if you don't have "Queenie" etched over "Merry Christmas, Sasha".

    At least there weren't any fist bumps.

  10. Old NFO says:

    Yee Gods... When does the embarassment stop... Or does it?

    Bowing? WTFO? I'm sorry, but this clown is going to take the US into the toilet!

  11. Anonymous says:

    What a idiot. just think if George and Larua Bush had done something like this.

  12. Elm says:

    Grandma J- Good one!

    Old NFO- When does the embarrassment stop? At this point, I almost don't want it to stop! As Conservative Scalawag so aptly explained, their escapades are fodder for sarcastic bloggers world wide.

    Fuzzysdad- I don't think George and Laura would ever have given a gift you could buy at Walmart in the clearance bin.

  13. cbullitt says:

    While kissing Saudi feet, His Wholly Reluctance was heard to say, "This little piggy went to market, this little piggy...What? Offensive? Geeeze, you guys are acting like this is the Special Olympics or something."

  14. Elm says:

    cbullitt- I can picture that actually happening. Scary.

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