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What If Al Gore Had Lived In Ancient Greece?

Long, long ago in a Grecian city far, far away there lived a man named Albertus Goreus. While most of his class of citizens were content with their lives, Albertus felt unloved. And, so, one summer's day as he sat upon the steps of the temple of Zeus, he noticed how warm the air was. Albertus stared at the sun. How bright it shone! He could feel the heat pouring from the giant, golden orb of Apollo. Ten minutes later, as he was being carried away from the temple because he had stared at the sun to long, he thought, "Oh, my! The world will be burnt to a crisp if I don't do something about it!"... READ MORE

Jimmy Carter Has A New Mission In Life...

But you know how Jimmy is, always wanting to prove that he's right and that he wasn't the absolute worst president in history. That's right. The founder of Habitat For Humanity has a new organization that he will unveil soon. An organization which will help battle the effects of Global Warming AND the carelessness of humans. I think Jimmy should explain, so here's former President Jimmy Carter... READ MORE

The White House Dog Pageant

The First Family should be getting a new puppy sometime soon and the media seems to be going gaga over this tidbit of news. So, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. Through a White House contact I have been directed to pictures of the puppy nominees. Here are their respective pictures with a brief description of their traits and qualities... READ MORE

Al Gore's Handy "How To Save The Planet Studyguide"

Hello, you all know me, I'm Al Gore the friendly CEO of the Eco-Movement! Like the biotch, I mean, Secretary of State, said, we need to correct our past mistakes and save our Earth from the dreadful possibility of more Spring-like days... READ MORE

GM's New Line Of Cars Are A Little Strange...

With the recent General Motor's stock grab by the United States government and the United Auto Worker's Union, there will be a few minor changes to the company... The production of gasoline powered automobiles will cease, as of now. New, cleaner cars have been produced, and you will see them very soon at your local car dealership. Here are a few... READ MORE

"In America, there is a failure to appreciate Europe's LEADING role in the world. Instead of celebrating your dynamic union and seeking to partner with you to meet common challenges, there have been times where America has shown ARROGANCE and been dismissive, even DERISIVE." President Barack Obama

What a great speech. Apparently Barry misses the campaign trail. He spent two years of his life on the road trying to convince the voters of the United States into electing him Commander-in-Chief, and he now has little meaning in his life. He loved the hustle and bustle of the campaign. He gave speeches that caused crowds to go insane! Yes, Barry even misses his bus...

And cat-fighting with Hillary.

So, now that he has absolutely nothing to do, he is launching a brand, spanking new endeavor.

President... Of Europe.

Not President of the European Union, I mean an actual PRESIDENT of the CONTINENT of Europe.

This is a fantastic idea. I mean, he already has qualities that strike me as being fairly European.

(a) He has Socialistic tendencies.

(b) I can picture him in a French beret.

(c) European history is chock full of kings and queens who were idiots, and Barack is an, well, you know.

(d) He already has a court jester.

And, just like his last successful campaign for president, he has a top notch team who have prepared him for his new European vacation- I mean campaign.

The first step is to explain to the little people (us) that just because he's trying to be the leader of Europe doesn't mean that he can't be the leader of the USA, too. "I am an American," he said recently at his first campaign stop. "But I am a child of the world. I have close ties with Kenya on the African continent. I have a deep love for my former home in Indonesia. Now it is time for me to show the people of Europe how much I care for them,too.

"America has elected me to their highest office, and I was honored and humbled by their confidence in me. But Americans are arrogant. They think they are just soooo great for the things they have done for this planet. It's time for the United States to bow down to Europe, like a humble servant to a Saudi Arabian king. If I am elected President of Europe I promise that America will not be mean to you any more. Scouts honor. I'll bridge the gap of our differences. Starting with jobs. I have noticed that there is a job shortage here. People are unemployed and they're upset. I can understand that, so I will send jobs here that Americans do not want. We're lazy when it comes to working anyway so it won't hurt us one bit.

"You may be saying, 'But I don't want to work, Mr. President.' Well, that's fine by me. The people that do work will be happy to support you.

"Europe is in a crisis. This crisis was produced by two causes: the United States and the rich. I have already begun to correct the problem the USA has caused. My next duty is to relieve Europe's rich families of their money. This trickle down wealth will revitalize the continent. The Queen of the United Kingdom will have to move out of her fancy castle and find a modest three room apartment."

He continued ,"England's famous crown jewels are at this moment worth millions, yet they sit unused. This is a travesty! When I am elected the crown jewels will be taken away and be delivered to Michelle. Michelle, who is a very fashionable lady, will daily wear these fine pieces of art for everyone to see because a national treasure should not be wasted in some museum... or on the body of some old broad.

"American citizens may ask what will be the advantage to them if I become a European president. Well, to put it simply America could use a good dose of European culture. For instance, Amsterdam with its legalized marijuana. What a terrific idea! I'm sure that Amsterdam is recovering from the world economic recession more quickly because of of the enormous tax gains it receives from hippies and college students.

"So, in conclusion, America is the greatest country in the world! We must keep America at the top! America is the land of freedom, of peace, and very few countries appreciate that anymore... What? What's that, Hillary? Oh, yes. Excuse me, everyone, but I've just been told that the last few sentences of my speech were from George W. Bush. Someone on my staff accidentally added it. Dang teleprompter!

"Since the rest of my speech is missing I will tell you what's in my heart. America stinks! Yes! I know when to jump off a stinking sinking ship. So God bless Europe instead!

"Excuse me again, but I've just been informed that the term God is offensive to some of you. Pardon me. I'm used to saying things like that just to make people over there happy."

The above article (except for the top quote) is of entirely my own imagination. If Barack Obama does try to become President of Europe I would like to be the first to say "Au revoir".

9 Responses so far.

  1. Very good post!

    Michelle wearing the crown jewels. (Shudders) You can put a silk hat on a pig and it is still a pig.

    Your imagination is vivid.

  2. Nice post!

    Would you like a Link Exchange with our blog COMMON CENTS where we blog about the issues of the day??


  3. Diller says:

    Great post! Is it just me,or do those tights make Biden,look 30yrs younger.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Great Post.
    I say let the Euroweenies have him.

  5. cbullitt says:

    Excellent. I'm all for it--because if he's King over there, he's not here. We should help him in this endeavor.

  6. Old NFO says:

    Excellent post! Let's give him to them, as they deserve each other!

  7. Elm says:

    We can throw him a going away party. I'll bring the chips and dip.

  8. Nick says:

    He does seem like he would be a better fit as the president of, say, France, than the US. His socialist politics would be embraced there, they would have no problem with his "run away" approach to military encounters, and France has a currency he could destroy just as easily as the US dollar, but with far less drastic global implications. I like this plan...

    BTW, The Court Jester, good movie. :)

  9. Cbullitt says:

    Hey Elm, If you weren't already pissed about the Cop shootings in the burgh, my latest will definitely do it.

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