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What If Al Gore Had Lived In Ancient Greece?

Long, long ago in a Grecian city far, far away there lived a man named Albertus Goreus. While most of his class of citizens were content with their lives, Albertus felt unloved. And, so, one summer's day as he sat upon the steps of the temple of Zeus, he noticed how warm the air was. Albertus stared at the sun. How bright it shone! He could feel the heat pouring from the giant, golden orb of Apollo. Ten minutes later, as he was being carried away from the temple because he had stared at the sun to long, he thought, "Oh, my! The world will be burnt to a crisp if I don't do something about it!"... READ MORE

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This blog is called Historical and Modern Day News and Trivia, but I've been neglecting the historical aspects of my blog lately. So, today, I present "What If Al Gore Had Lived In Ancient Greece?"




Long, long ago in a Grecian city far, far away there lived a man named Albertus Goreus. Albertus was a wealthy citizen from Athens who could buy anything his heart(or stomach) desired. While most of his class of citizens were content with their lives, Albertus felt unloved. And, so, one summer's day as he sat upon the steps of the temple of Zeus, he noticed how warm the air was. He placed his hands upon the giant stone steps. And they were scorching hot! Albertus stared at the sun. How bright it shone! He could feel the heat pouring from the giant, golden orb of Apollo.

Ten minutes later, as he was being carried away from the temple because he had stared at the sun to long, he thought, "Oh, my! The world will be burnt to a crisp if I don't do something about it!"

After Albertus recovered his eyesight, he created an organization to bring attention to the warming of the world, which he named the Alliance for Protection Against Apollo's Anger. He insisted on giving long, tedious speeches to the populace of Athens on how they were angering the Gods of Mount Olympus, especially Apollo, God of the Sun and Gaia, Goddess of the Earth.

"Citizens of Athens!" he would scream. "The Gods are angry with us lowly mortals! We have done horrible, vile things! We have created civilizations, great monuments, and giant temples, which have devastated Gaia."

Then came his show stopping quote. "My fellow Athenians, people all over the world, we need to solve the heating crisis. It's not a political issue; it's a moral issue. We have everything we need to get started, with the possible exception of the will to act." The populace cheered!

Albertus devoted all of his time with the cause. He wrote and acted in a play called "An Inconvenient Fact" which gained him thousands of followers. His play won the coveted Academia Award for Depressing Play of The Year- the judges could not decide if it was a tragedy or comedy.

Other prestigious awards and prizes followed. Albertus gloried in his power. Then, a few voices, quiet at first, began to be heard. Among these voices was the philosopher Socrates. During one of Albertus' five hour long speeches Socrates could not stay quiet any longer. He rose from his bench in the amphitheater and began to debate Albertus.

"Albertus!" Socrates cried. "Where is the evidence that the world will be destroyed from the heat?"

Albertus smiled smugly as he replied, "Is it not sweltering? Is it not hot? The evidence lies before you!"

Socrates said, "Yes, but it gets hot every year. It has done this for hundreds of years,since the beginning of time!"

"The heat is much worse now, Socrates. And it will become worse still as we anger the Gods more," haughtily declared Albertus.

"How will pacifying the Gods reverse the heating of the world?" said Socrates firmly.

"What!" cried Albertus. "Do you dare to deny the destruction of our world!"

Socrates calmly looked upon Albertus' bloated face and said, "The highest form of Human Excellence is to question oneself and others."

Albertus screamed, "Guards, seize him!" Socrates was dragged away, tried with corrupting the youth of Athens and impiety, and sentenced to death by drinking poisonous hemlock. Albertus felt that the punishment was fitting since Mother Gaia produced the plant herself. And he felt better.

6 Responses so far.

  1. He was nuts then and now.

  2. The Year- the judges could not decide if it was a tragedy or comedy.

    Best line ever!

    I really needed this laugh!! And that graphic is amazing!

  3. Old NFO says:

    thanks for a thought and humor provoking post! And yeah, the graphic is funny too!

  4. Grandma J says:

    That picture, along with the story is hilarious!

    Weird Al...he's always given me the creeps.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Bravo, what phrase..., a brilliant idea

  6. Blogger says:

    Did you know that you can create short urls with AdFly and get $$$$$$ for every visitor to your shortened urls.

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