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Filling the USA with Conservatives since 2000

What If Al Gore Had Lived In Ancient Greece?

Long, long ago in a Grecian city far, far away there lived a man named Albertus Goreus. While most of his class of citizens were content with their lives, Albertus felt unloved. And, so, one summer's day as he sat upon the steps of the temple of Zeus, he noticed how warm the air was. Albertus stared at the sun. How bright it shone! He could feel the heat pouring from the giant, golden orb of Apollo. Ten minutes later, as he was being carried away from the temple because he had stared at the sun to long, he thought, "Oh, my! The world will be burnt to a crisp if I don't do something about it!"... READ MORE

Jimmy Carter Has A New Mission In Life...

But you know how Jimmy is, always wanting to prove that he's right and that he wasn't the absolute worst president in history. That's right. The founder of Habitat For Humanity has a new organization that he will unveil soon. An organization which will help battle the effects of Global Warming AND the carelessness of humans. I think Jimmy should explain, so here's former President Jimmy Carter... READ MORE

The White House Dog Pageant

The First Family should be getting a new puppy sometime soon and the media seems to be going gaga over this tidbit of news. So, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. Through a White House contact I have been directed to pictures of the puppy nominees. Here are their respective pictures with a brief description of their traits and qualities... READ MORE

Al Gore's Handy "How To Save The Planet Studyguide"

Hello, you all know me, I'm Al Gore the friendly CEO of the Eco-Movement! Like the biotch, I mean, Secretary of State, said, we need to correct our past mistakes and save our Earth from the dreadful possibility of more Spring-like days... READ MORE

GM's New Line Of Cars Are A Little Strange...

With the recent General Motor's stock grab by the United States government and the United Auto Worker's Union, there will be a few minor changes to the company... The production of gasoline powered automobiles will cease, as of now. New, cleaner cars have been produced, and you will see them very soon at your local car dealership. Here are a few... READ MORE

This idea was inspired via Conservative Scalawag's Blog.

Have you ever become hopelessly confused concerning the new liberal jargon? Terms that were once used daily by the government have disappeared. Through exhausting research I have compiled a list of terms that were once used, and have defined them so that even a left-winger could understand them. And I have provided the definitions to the new liberal words that we are just now beginning to learn from the new administration. Shall we begin?

Enemy Combatant- Term created during George W. Bush's presidency meaning a person suspected of terrorist acts and/or fighting against American Armed Forces. As in, the enemy combatant was detained in Guantanamo Bay.

The new liberal term for enemy combatant- Misinterpreted Patriot. New sentence: The misinterpreted patriot was detained in Guantanamo Bay. Doesn't that sound nicer?

Terrorist- Person who causes chaos, death, and destruction. As in, The terrorists hijacked four planes.

The new liberal term for terrorist- Confused Radical. New sentence: The confused radicals hijacked four planes. This person is not a terrorist- they are only confused. Give 'em a hug and they will certainly want to be your friend.

President- A leader of a country or organization. As in, The citizens of the United States have declared Barack Obama to be president.

The new liberal term for president- His Royal Highness. New sentence: The citizens of the United States have declared Barack Obama to be His Royal Highness. You also may substitute His Royal Highness with the terms His Royal Hineass or His Royal Jackass, whichever you prefer.

Ally- Friend. Or a county who cooperates with another country for mutual benefit. As in, Our allies depended on the United States for their safety and livelihood.

There is currently no liberal term for this word. Liberals have not added this word to their language. His Royal Hineass is currently considering abolishing this term altogether.

Illegal Alien- Person who resides in a country illegally. A person who enters a country without permission from that country's government. As in, The illegal alien works at a toy factory in Memphis.

The new liberal term for illegal alien- U.S. Job Taker. New sentence: The U.S. Job Taker works at a toy factory in Memphis. You see? The U.S. Job Taker only wants to work at the jobs that Americans don't want. Note: There is currently 300 American citizens waiting for the U.S. Job Taker to leave his position at the toy factory and return to Guatemala.

10 Responses so far.

  1. You, my dear a genius! This was hilarious to read.

    You really need to get a gig as a political satirist.

    I will also bet you are fearsome debater?

  2. Elm says:

    Why, thank you. Now if only I could win the debates with my children about going to bed at a reasonable hour...

  3. Red says:

    Illegal alien? We don't have any of those. We have "displaced americans" or, uh, lessee here, "undocumented citizens".
    Me? I like to call them 'corporate slaves encroaching on legal American jobs, taxes and property". I can mow my own lawn thank you!

  4. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for laugh.

  5. Great post, Elm, very funny! I keep saying that if I don't mock, ridicule and laugh at Barry and the Dems, I might just end up crying!


  6. cbullitt says:

    Liberal--one suffering from a mental disorder that manifests itself in the belief that his failed policy initiative are not idiotically wrong, but they have simply not been enacted enough. (See "fully-funded" education).
    BTW Elm, Happy Alpha Proxima Day--do you have all your appliances on?

  7. Elm says:

    Red- I can mow my own lawn also, but I prefer for my hubby to do it. :-)

    Fuzzysdad- I'm here to save us from depression caused by the Obamanator.

    2 Conservative Women- Thank you, and you are absolutely right! I always get a warm fuzzy feeling when I mock a liberal.

    Cbullitt- Nice definition. And yes, I am celebrating Earth Hour today by emitting as much carbon as I possibly can without tripping the breaker.

  8. cbullitt says:

    Hey Elm, McGoo has responded to your suggestion about the woodpile--go see.

  9. cbullitt says:

    Morning Elm, the winner has been posted. Regrettably, it is not you.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Not clever.
    Try harder.

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