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What If Al Gore Had Lived In Ancient Greece?

Long, long ago in a Grecian city far, far away there lived a man named Albertus Goreus. While most of his class of citizens were content with their lives, Albertus felt unloved. And, so, one summer's day as he sat upon the steps of the temple of Zeus, he noticed how warm the air was. Albertus stared at the sun. How bright it shone! He could feel the heat pouring from the giant, golden orb of Apollo. Ten minutes later, as he was being carried away from the temple because he had stared at the sun to long, he thought, "Oh, my! The world will be burnt to a crisp if I don't do something about it!"... READ MORE

Jimmy Carter Has A New Mission In Life...

But you know how Jimmy is, always wanting to prove that he's right and that he wasn't the absolute worst president in history. That's right. The founder of Habitat For Humanity has a new organization that he will unveil soon. An organization which will help battle the effects of Global Warming AND the carelessness of humans. I think Jimmy should explain, so here's former President Jimmy Carter... READ MORE

The White House Dog Pageant

The First Family should be getting a new puppy sometime soon and the media seems to be going gaga over this tidbit of news. So, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. Through a White House contact I have been directed to pictures of the puppy nominees. Here are their respective pictures with a brief description of their traits and qualities... READ MORE

Al Gore's Handy "How To Save The Planet Studyguide"

Hello, you all know me, I'm Al Gore the friendly CEO of the Eco-Movement! Like the biotch, I mean, Secretary of State, said, we need to correct our past mistakes and save our Earth from the dreadful possibility of more Spring-like days... READ MORE

GM's New Line Of Cars Are A Little Strange...

With the recent General Motor's stock grab by the United States government and the United Auto Worker's Union, there will be a few minor changes to the company... The production of gasoline powered automobiles will cease, as of now. New, cleaner cars have been produced, and you will see them very soon at your local car dealership. Here are a few... READ MORE


Valentine's Day is a lovely holiday. A time for expressing love to that special someone or to your family. But, did you know that Valentine's Day is intertwined with not one but two famous bloodbaths?

The first involves the two Saints that we owe the holiday to, Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni. They were both martyred.

The other took place on Valentine's Day 1929 in Chicago. Chicago back then was a city suffering immense corruption (some things never change, huh?). Men like Al "Scarface" Capone had become millionaires from illegal booze, drugs, and prostitution.

I have to sidetrack for just one moment. Capone was a cruel, miserable human being. He murdered countless numbers of people. But, I feel I must report something that I feel was a smart move for a criminal. Capone feared raids by the police on his houses of ill-repute (whore-houses). So he thought up this idea to combat this situation. He had a house directly on the border of Illinois and Indiana. Whenever a police raid came from Illinois all he and his gals had to do was walk to the Indiana side of the house. Then when Indiana's cops came a-knockin he would walk back to the Illinois side. Remember this bit of advice if you ever plan on opening up such an establishment. It was recommended by Scarface himself.

As I was saying, Chicago was overrun by these gangs. And these guys did not get along well with each other. In fact, a lot of the deaths at this time were members of rival gangs. George "Bugs" Moran and Al Capone were constantly fighting each other. And Al did not want to share any city with anyone.

Six of Moran's men plus a doctor were found murdered in a garage. They had all been lined up against a wall with their backs turned. A woman living nearby claimed to have seen two policemen emerging from the garage moments after gunshots were fired. These two "cops" were leading two "suspects" away from the scene. Yet Chicago police said that they did not have any officers near the area.

The only suspect was and still is Al Capone. But he was vacationing in Florida at the time. Good alibi, no?

Although he was the person who had most likely ordered the shootings, police could do nothing.

Capone got what was coming to him later. He was arrested and charged with tax evasion several years later. Then he died in prison.

So, on this Valentine's Day, look deeply into your loved ones eyes and be thankful that gangs are a thing of the past. . . Oh crap, they're still around? Umm, well, look deeply into your loved ones eyes and keep looking over their shoulder.

One Response so far.

  1. Great post. I enjoyed reading it.

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