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What If Al Gore Had Lived In Ancient Greece?

Long, long ago in a Grecian city far, far away there lived a man named Albertus Goreus. While most of his class of citizens were content with their lives, Albertus felt unloved. And, so, one summer's day as he sat upon the steps of the temple of Zeus, he noticed how warm the air was. Albertus stared at the sun. How bright it shone! He could feel the heat pouring from the giant, golden orb of Apollo. Ten minutes later, as he was being carried away from the temple because he had stared at the sun to long, he thought, "Oh, my! The world will be burnt to a crisp if I don't do something about it!"... READ MORE

Jimmy Carter Has A New Mission In Life...

But you know how Jimmy is, always wanting to prove that he's right and that he wasn't the absolute worst president in history. That's right. The founder of Habitat For Humanity has a new organization that he will unveil soon. An organization which will help battle the effects of Global Warming AND the carelessness of humans. I think Jimmy should explain, so here's former President Jimmy Carter... READ MORE

The White House Dog Pageant

The First Family should be getting a new puppy sometime soon and the media seems to be going gaga over this tidbit of news. So, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. Through a White House contact I have been directed to pictures of the puppy nominees. Here are their respective pictures with a brief description of their traits and qualities... READ MORE

Al Gore's Handy "How To Save The Planet Studyguide"

Hello, you all know me, I'm Al Gore the friendly CEO of the Eco-Movement! Like the biotch, I mean, Secretary of State, said, we need to correct our past mistakes and save our Earth from the dreadful possibility of more Spring-like days... READ MORE

GM's New Line Of Cars Are A Little Strange...

With the recent General Motor's stock grab by the United States government and the United Auto Worker's Union, there will be a few minor changes to the company... The production of gasoline powered automobiles will cease, as of now. New, cleaner cars have been produced, and you will see them very soon at your local car dealership. Here are a few... READ MORE

A long time ago in a country far, far away. . .

Arab Wars- A New Dope

It is a period of civil war.  Rebels across the galaxy Middle East have won two victories against their oppressive governments.

During the third rebellion a new dope emerged, Darth Muammar Gaddafi, Lord of the Sith.  Since he was the evil dictator of the Libyan Empire, he began a campaign to crush his nation's rebellion.  The Dark Lord Sith devised devastating attacks against the Rebel Alliance.  Just when the rebels were about to give up hope, the United Nations sent military forces to oppose him.




Instead of being a rational sort of Sith, he chose to stay in his Death Star country where he vowed a "long war".

He must have overlooked what happened to Emperor Hussein.




Just remember.  No matter what happens, he's a piece of Sith.  No punishment is too good for him.

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#5  He makes campaign contributions to such people as Al Gore, John Edwards, Al Franken, and Barbara Boxer.


#4  He thought the media would embrace his black-face routine back in 1993.




#3  Mr. Danson claims in his new book that jellyfish will soon be the only seafood we humans will have left to eat due to overfishing.  He also claims that he is not a fear mongerer.  Yeah.  Sure Ted.  You just happened to pick one of only two animals of the sea that produce fear at the beach- the shark and the jellyfish.  But, people just love their shark fin soup, so that was out, wasn't it, Ted?  Jellyfish just doesn't sound as appetizing.

But, Ted, people could survive off of jellyfish if we had to.  In fact, I just read that they are considered a health food.  Peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich, anyone?





#2  He claimed back in late 80's that the world's oceans would be devoid of life within 10 years.  Oy vey!  Now he's claiming the Great Barrier Reef will be dead by 2050, and the islands of the world will be underwater by 2080.  Won't the eco-zombies ever learn to keep their traps shut?



#1  Ted had a (presumably) sexual relationship with Whoopi Goldberg.  This guy's insane!

Remember when the United States was the leader of the Free World? Remember when our government sent brave men and women into the "New Frontier" of Outer Space? Well, now we are reduced to spending $753 million dollars for Russian Bus fare to Outer Space.

And why are we reduced to this? Because of Hopey, Changey Obama. Yes, you have changed this country, Mr. President. You've changed NASA's astronauts into a gang of hitchhikers. A NASA official went so far as to say, "it's critical for U.S. companies to take over this transportation job." Isn't this a turn-around! A Private-sector take-over. It must have been hard for a Federal employee to say that!




I was not alive during any of the Moon landings. I have hoped our government would get off it's lazy butt and do something incredible again. I'm not a big fan of JFK, but he at least pushed for space exploration! All Barack does is promise that great things will come. You de-funded the space shuttles, so where are the cool rockets that will blast off into space? Oh, the Russians have them.

So, thanks to all of you folks who voted for this clown. And here's your award. Idiot.